


Let Me Care For You

by Astieria_Wandering



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Ace Aziraphale - Freeform, Aziraphale Has Self-Esteem Issues (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Caring Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Crowley Has Self-Esteem Issues (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crying Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Musician Crowley (Good Omens), Nightmares, No beta we fall like Crowley, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Sick Crowley (Good Omens), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved Crowley (Good Omens), Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens), ace crowley, temporarily mute Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27413032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astieria_Wandering/pseuds/Astieria_Wandering
Summary: Crowley wakes up disoriented, hungover, and with a mysteriously sore throat. Not wanting to worry Aziraphale he decides to take care of it on his own. That's just the way it has always been and he doesn't think one messed up apocalypse is going to change that.Aziraphale, is worried, he's never seen the demon get sick, he didn't know occult beings could get sick but he wants to be there for his oldest friend. They're on their own side now and he wants to show the demon the care he knows he deserves.This is my first fic and its chocked full of love, fluff, some light angst (I'm a sucker for nightmares), care, and maybe a confession or two
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 95





	1. When a demon gets sick

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This is my first fanfic, I been obsessed with Good Omens for a while, and a friend finally convinced me to write out some of my ideas, so here we go!  
> I'm not sure how many chapters this will but I'm excited to see!!

Crowley cracked open his eyes with a groan, his back was killing him and his throat ached. Without moving his corporation, the groggy demon glanced around, he was in his flat but rather than being in his room. Crowley found himself sprawled across the floor of his plant room. _What happened last night?_ With a sigh he sat up and winced, as his head spun _ah_ now, he remembered. 

Aziraphale had invited him over to the bookshop for some wine, now that they didn’t have to worry about their old sides. They could meet more often and both of them had been taking advantage of this new fact. Last night was just one in a long line of lunches, walks in the park, dinners at new places and many evenings dripping in quality alcohol and company.   
A groan escaped Crowley’s scratchy throat as he stumbled to his feet and his head swam. _Must’ve forgotten to sobber up_. The hangover chased after demon as he made his way to his kitchen for some much-needed water. 

After a few minutes of shuffling about his flat Crowley finally brought a glass to his lips, swallowed and coughed it back onto the counter. 

It felt like he was trying to drink sand rather than water, _shit_ that wasn’t right. Brows furrowed and eyes closed with concentration Crowley finally paying attention to how his corporation felt. Being a snake, Crowley was often quite cold but right now his entire corporation felt to warm to be normal. That coupled with feeling uncharacteristically weak even for being hungover and how his throat was like sandpaper. Could only mean one thing. 

Somehow the demon had gotten sick, he tried to swear but his ravaged throat wouldn’t allow it, all that came out was a garbled hiss. It wasn’t his first time being sick, it happened every couple millennium, usually after he had done something truly stressful. He snorted, causing another flicker of pain down his throat. And wasn’t a failed apocalypse just a bit stressful? 

His head gave another pound as he opened his eyes and his vision swam _Fuck_ this definitely wasn’t good. There was one time a bit after the crucifixion. Where he had caught a rather nasty strain of the flu that had left him bedridden for days but he had recovered. Alone, just like with everything else and no one had been any wiser, especially not one blond worrisome angel. So, yes, he had been sick before, and it was never that fun but Crowley knew what to expect. 

Using the last of his strength Crowley, blindly stumbled, across his flat, into his room and collapsed into bed. The cool sheets felt wonderful against his skin, then a shiver ran through his corporation. So, he dug under the covers and promptly fell asleep. 

Maybe he could just sleep this off... as if he was ever that lucky. 

  
***

  
Next thing Crowley knew there was mind splitting sound coming from somewhere in his flat. Jolting him from sleep, his head ached as he tried to place the incessant noise.   
After a too-long pause, Crowley realized what it was his phone. He must’ve dropped it in his flat at some point last night and there was only being in existence that would bother calling him _Aziraphale._

Crowley tried to sit up so he could go find that blasted phone but his arms refused to support his weight. So, he was left lying in his bed with no way to stop the shrill ringing that just making his headache worse. After a few more moment the noise finally stopped.   
Just as Crowley was about to sigh in relief for the blessed quiet, there was a knock at the door. 

“Crowley?” a voice called “Crowley are you alright, my dear?” panic flooded Crowley’s clouded mind _shit, shit, shit_ the angel shouldn’t be here, he didn’t want him to see him like this or to get Aziraphale sick with whatever it was he had. 

He tried to snap a piece of paper to the door telling the principality he was fine, but his energy was drained. So, once again he was left lying curled up on the bed as Aziraphale knocked again, a bit harder this time. 

“Please my dear, just let me know you're okay.” the angel’s voice sounded worried and that wasn’t something he wanted but before Crowley could try to gather up enough strength. To do what, he wasn’t sure. Then he heard the click of a lock being undone and the shuffle of hurried footsteps.   
He heard a chuckle from the door of his room “really dear?” Aziraphale came closer “forgot to sobber up, did we?” he teased lightly. 

Crowley tried to muster up his usual bravo to smirk at the angel but another shiver coursed through him before he could. All the mischief was instantly wiped from Aziraphale’s face, his blue eyes widening with concern. 

“Oh, Crowley” the angel rushed over and knelt by the bed “what’s wrong?” 

Crowley wanted to soothe the fussy angel with a smile and a witty one-liner but his throat still felt like sandpaper and his voice came out dry and raspy “It’sss fine” he coughed making his voice worse “jusst a cold.” 

“I do believe that it’s a bit more than that my dear” The angel placed a hand gently to the demon’s forehead and frowned the worry apparent on his face “you have at least a mild fever and your voice sounds absolutely dreadful!” Crowley opened his mouth but Aziraphale stopped him “don’t you dare try to talk yourself out of this, you wily snake.” Crowley scowled but there was no bite to it as the angel looked him up and down “How about we get you out of those tight clothes?” 

Crowley tried to stop the concerned blond as he lifted a hand and snapped, the sound felt like thunder in his head but then the weary demon was in his soft dark silk pyjamas. He blinked at the blond about to maybe thank him but another shiver ran down his spine, making his head swim. With a whine, he buried his face in the pillow in an attempt to stop the spinning. After a moment he turned his blurry gaze to where Aziraphale had been but the angel was gone. 

A strangled sound made its way out of his throat, as he struggled to sit up, Aziraphale was gone.   
Before he could truly panic the angel came back into view, “It's alright my dear, I'm right here, now just rest. I’ll still be here when you wake up” with a sigh Crowley relaxed back onto the bed and passed out. 

~~~~

  
Aziraphale knelt beside Crowley for a few moments carefully watching the redhead and listening to his raspy breathing. It was rare for a celestial being of any kind to get sick, but after the apocadidn’t and all the stress it entailed. He understood the demon’s corporation needing a break, but what he didn’t understand was the state that Crowley’s throat seemed to be in. He had never heard his voice so... worn, it worried the angel. Perhaps he would research some possible ailments and their remedies. 

So, as soon as he was sure that Crowley was in fact, deeply asleep. Aziraphale carefully extracted himself from the demon’s floor, wincing as his corporation’s knees protested and made his way through the empty flat to the equally sparse kitchen. Maybe some tea will help. At the very least it would help the angel settle his nerves. With that thought, Aziraphale set about making the tea and looking for something bring the demon’s fever down. 

***

  
Several minutes later, the angel was ripped from his thoughts by a noise coming from the bedroom. What was that? Aziraphale was making his way to the room when another sound came... a sob. Aziraphale didn’t remember entering the room but his heart dropped when he got to the bed. 

Crowley was thrashing in his sheets, eyes screwed shut, and he was sobbing, he had never seen the demon shed a single tear but here he was sobbing. It was one of the worst sights he had ever seen and the angel had seen a lot. Aziraphale rushed to his friend as the sobs shifted to hoarse heart-rending screams. 

“Crowley! Crowley, my dear it's alright” he ran one hand down the sweat-soaked face and the other gently grasped the demon’s hands so Crowley wouldn’t hurt himself “It's just a dream, your safe, please open your eyes.” he pleaded softly. 

Honey gold eyes flew open, clouded and unseeing, still caught in the nightmare but Aziraphale kept murmuring soft nothings. Until those eyes blinked widening in recognition and he finally stilled.   
Aziraphale sighed “There you are, my dear” he released Crowley’s hands but kept running soothing fingers down the side of his face “everything is fine, it was only a nightmare.” 

Crowley opened his mouth but no words came, just a pained hiss, Aziraphale saw the panic enter the demon’s eyes. Strangled noises began scratching their way out as he clawed at his throat. 

“Crowley, stop!! You're going to hurt yourself!” the angel grabbed his hands again pulling them from his abused throat, Crowley tried to yank himself free but the fever had sapped his strength. With a shiver, he stopped fighting and Aziraphale released him, exhausted Crowley collapsed back to the bed. Aziraphale had really never seen the demon like this, and it worried him how weak Crowley was. 

“It's going to be alright dear.” Crowley winced as Aziraphale snaped a damp cloth into existence. Sighing he began to move the cloth across his friend's forehead, wiping away the sweat that had gathered there “you were screaming it must have worsened your sore throat.” 

Amber eyes widened at his words, he pointed at himself, in a clear _Me?_

Aziraphale sighed again nodding. “Yes, I believe you were having a nightmare” he peered at the pale demon “are you alright my dear?” 

Rather than answering in any form Crowley swatted the cloth away and hid his face in a pillow. Aziraphale felt his heart drop, despite everything Crowley obviously still didn’t trust him. _Why should he?_ Aziraphale had done all he could to push the demon away during those days before the failed apocalypse and even before then, for fear of what his former side would do to them. 

Shaking his head, the angel stood meaning to go collect the tea that would still be miraculously hot. When he felt a shaking hand snake around his wrist, tugging weakly. 

Crowley rarely initiated physical contact, preferring to sprawl opposite to wherever the angel was sitting, but now. Aziraphale looked down at the trembling hand then to the demon who had reached out. His face was still mostly hidden by the pillow but he had one golden eye looking up at the angel, silently pleading him to stay. 

Aziraphale smiled, entwining his fingers with Crowley’s, he miracled an armchair for himself and sat back down by the demon “of course my dear.” 

~~~~

  
Crowley knew he was going to kick himself when he was feeling better. How pathetic did the angel think he was? Only children clung to others, not six-thousand-year-old occult beings and certainly not older-than-dirt demons. 

But he was tired, his head was still spinning, his throat hurt so much he couldn’t even speak, and then there was that blasted nightmare. Crowley couldn’t remember what it had been about all he could remember was fire, pain, and a crippling sense of emptiness. So, when Aziraphale had turned to leave him alone with his thoughts, Crowley had panicked and grabbed the angel before he could go any further. He hadn’t expected him to stay, not after all the trouble he must’ve already caused. 

Worrying the angel so much he came all the way here, then pushing him away when he showed concern. That wasn’t even counting everything surrounding the apocamissed and all the terrible things he had said to his angel. And then when the angel had shown concern, Crowley had gotten overwhelmed and hid, surely hurting the other's feelings. 

No, he hadn’t thought Aziraphale would stay. Crowley was still surprised that the angel even wanted to be around someone, some _thing_ like him. 

But, Aziraphale had smiled, he had braided their fingers together, the angel had sat back down beside the demon and he had stayed. Yes, Crowley knew he was going to regret this later but right now he was in pain and his angel had stayed. 

It took everything he had to not start crying as he watched their entwined hands, he began to drift back asleep and for once he wasn’t by himself. 

***

There was ash clinging to his skin, the air was full of smoke and he was alone. Crowley spun in place eyes wide and disbelieving, the world was burning. 

Everywhere he looked there was fire and death, he began to run desperately searching for the one being in existence that would know what to do. 

Despite not need it, his breath felt like knives in his lungs. 

Where was he? Where was Aziraphale? 

Ahead of him, Crowley saw the bookshop, a relieved sob escaped him as he flung himself through the familiar door. 

Darkness. 

Crowley turned to rush back out to the road but the door was gone, there was only the darkness.   
He fumbled around in the void searching, for anything to hold onto, anything to help him get his bearings. There was nothing but silence, and blindness, an empty eternity. 

A silent scream ripped its way out of the demon as he collapsed to the unseen ground. His angel wasn’t here, he was alone. The void was bitter cold, the air filled with stifling death, the darkness suffocating and he was alone. 

With a gasp, Crowley pulled himself back to the world of the living. He blinked trying to place where he was, the void still clinging to his mind.   
He was in his room facing the lone window, it was dark outside now but a soft light filled the space. It chased a bit more of the dream away from the edges of his mind. He rolled his head towards the source of the light and sighed; _this fever must be really doing something to my head, he_ though blurrily. 

Because Crowley could swear to _someone_ , that he saw Aziraphale sitting beside his bed, a cup of tea in one hand, a book in the other and was reading by the light of a small vintage hurricane lamp. 

That wasn’t right, he was supposed to be alone, he blinked as the fever dream angel looked up from whatever he was reading and smiled. “How are you feeling, my dear? Does your head still hurt?” 

Crowley tried to ask the apparition why he was here, he was always alone. That’s how this whole thing worked, how it always worked. 

_So, why was Aziraphale here?_ but a spike of pain shot through his throat, rendering him mute again. The angel that-wasn't-really-there (because I mean really, why would he be?) frowned apparently reading what had just happened off the demon’s face. Crowley felt his eye begin to flutter closed again as the angel stood and came closer. He knew that when he opened his eyes again, his fever most would likely be gone along with the phantom Aziraphale and he would be alone. That just how it had always been and always would be.   
But then there was a cool cloth being pressed to his forehead and Crowley’s mind reeled as his eyes shot open. Aziraphale was really there and he was leaning over the feverish demon gently wiping his face. 

Crowley forced a questioning sound from his lips, wincing at the pain it caused but he was supposed alone and he was confused. 

The angel tutted at him gently “Now, none of that my dear. Your poor throat needs a rest, can you sit up?” Crowley couldn’t help but glare at the angel, but he let the blond carefully help him into an upright position. He was pleasantly surprised when his head didn’t begin spinning as he did so, the nap must have helped his hangover at least. His head cleared a bit more, Aziraphale was really here in his room, for whatever reason, he couldn’t fathom why. 

His muddled thoughts were interrupted by a warm mug being gently pressed into his hands. Crowley glanced at the steaming tea then at Aziraphale, remembering how well the water went down earlier he shook his head. Pushing the mug back to the angel, if water hurt that much, he could only imagine how terribly hot tea would hurt. 

Aziraphale sighed “Really my dear, you need to drink something to help your throat.” Crowley frowned trying to think of a way to get his point across to the angel. _Ah,_ He mimed writing something, Aziraphale’s brows furrowed as he tried to translate. 

“You want something to write on?” a nod “very well then” the angel snapped a pen and notepad supposedly from his bookshop and handed it to the demon. 

‘Tried to drink water earlier but hurt too much. Tea would probably be worse.’ 

A frown “is that so?” another nod, Aziraphale thought for a moment “Oh I know!” without another word the angel rushed from the room, leaving Crowley blinking after him. 

~~~~

  
Aziraphale rushed to the kitchen and pulled some milk and honey, that may or may not have been there this morning, out of the fridge. He was glad that Crowley had thought of writing things so he wouldn’t stress his voice. This way Aziraphale will know at least some of what his friend was thinking. 

A few moments later he bustled back into the softly lit bedroom, glass in hand. Crowley eyed what he was holding warily, lifting a brow, Aziraphale just smiled “I heard about this a few years ago.” he placed the glass in the demon’s hands “it’s supposed to help with sore throats.” 

Crowley still looked suspicious but brought the glass to his lips, hands trembling slightly. Aziraphale thought to offer his help but he wasn’t sure how the demon would react. So, he just watched as the redhead screwed his eyes shut and took a sip, after a few more swallows he opened his eyes and glance at the blond. 

“Well?” 

Crowley set the cup down and grabbed the notepad again ‘still hurts, but better than the water.’ 

Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile “That’s wonderful to hear” without thinking, he leant over and gently pressed the back of his hand to the other’s forehead. The angel sighed “you still have a fever, my dear, try finishing your drink then you should probably lay back down.” 

He chuckled as the redhead glared at him pouting like a child “come now, dear. Don’t you want to sleep? I know how much you like it.” Aziraphale thought he saw something like fear flicker across the demon’s eyes but before he could really think about it. Crowley huffed, took a few more sips of his drink, then snuggled back down into his blankets but kept his gaze on the angel. 

The blond tilted his head in confusion, Crowley was usually able to fall asleep instantly. Why was he hesitating? Aziraphale’s mind shot back to the demon’s previous nightmare and then to the flash of fear he was now sure he had seen. 

He sat down beside his friend and smiled “Would you mind my dear if I read my book aloud? It sometimes helps me concentrate.” it was a weak lie and by the look, he was getting, it was quite obvious but. 

The redhead just nodded and snuggled deeper into the blankets, eyes still on the angel, waiting. So Aziraphale picked up his book, opened to the page he had left off of and began to read. The words floated through the air, the angel’s soft voice, filling the dim room like light summer rain. Crowley finally closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there along with some of my art eventually.


	2. Porridge and bubble baths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Crowley thought that when he woke up, he would feel at least a little better... he was wrong. Once again; as if he was ever that lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This is my first fanfic, I been obsessed with Good Omens for a while, and a friend finally convinced me to write out some of my ideas, so here we go!  
> I'm not sure how many chapters this will but I'm excited to see!!

Crowley was ripped from sleep with a start, it only took a second for the reason to become clear. As the cloying smell of smoke jammed its self into his senses.

Something was on fire.

With a strangled shriek that sent knives of pain down his throat, Crowley launched from his bed. Ignoring his protesting body as he shot out of his room, mind racing as he followed the terrifying stench of smoke. 

Where was Aziraphale?

His breath picked up as he rushed around his flat. Desperately searching, panic building with each to sharp breath. He couldn’t find him, the angel was gone, the smoke became overwhelming, he was gone, burnt to nothing. Just like his bookshop. Ash, flames, and lost dreams.

The panicking demon finally stumbled to a stop at the entrance to his kitchen. Staring as his overwhelmed mind struggled to comprehend the scene in front of him. Aziraphale was there, standing in front of the stove, glaring at a pot that was sitting on the element, smoking. The angel finally noticed him, his face instantly went from frustration to confusion and worry. 

“Crowley! What are doing?” he rushed over to the frozen demon “you should be in bed,” he gently pressed a hand to the other’s face “Crowley, what's wrong?”

The soothing touch finally brought Crowley back to the present, there wasn’t a fire, Aziraphale was here, and he was fine.  The panic and lingering fever must have wrecked his usual wall of self-control, as a small sound escaped him and Crowley pressed his face into the angel’s shoulder. He raised a trembling finger to the still smoking pot, as another near silent whimper escaped him.

“Oh” came the soft reply as Aziraphale realized what had happened “oh, my dear.” he gently brought misty gold eyes to meet stricken sapphire ones “I only burnt some porridge I was trying to make for you.”

Crowley blinked,  _ of all the... _ But before he could finish the thought, the panic and adrenaline drained from his corporation. His mind stuttered to a halt and the still trembling demon collapsed against an extremely worried angel.

**

When Crowley regained consciousness again, it was a slow process, like his entire being was moving through molasses. The first thing he was aware of; was a soft warmth surrounding him like a sunbeam, then he noticed a spiced scent filling the air, and finally, he heard the soothing sound of someone reading quietly  aloud.

With a groan Crowley slowly pried his eyes open, the reading stopped, a soft blur of cream and tan came towards him. Then there was a cool cloth on his forehead again. He sighed as the soft fabric soothed last of the tension from his  corporation .

“How are you feeling dear?” the muddled serpent forced himself to focus on the source of the voice. 

The pale-colored blur finally took the form of an angel, Crowley felt his lips twitch in the need to speak but a gentle finger pressed them shut. So, he just raised his arms in a ‘so-so’ sort of motion. His entire corporation felt heavy and wrung out like someone had put him through the spin cycle then dipped him in lead.

A sigh came from the angel shaped blur “You overtaxed your poor corporation, getting up like you did.” 

A shudder ran through the demon as the memory flashed through his mind. Smoke, and panic, he hadn’t been able to find Aziraphale. He made his eyes focus on the angel in front of him, making sure he was real.

“Do you want to talk about it?” the concern was evident in his  friend's voice.

Crowley couldn’t help but lift a brow and gesture to the finger still against his lips then to his throat with a playful wince. That finally got the angel to crack a smile as he sat back and chuckled. The demon tracked his movements as he reached towards the bedside table for the notebook but something caught his eye. Resting beside a book, was a bowl that he definitely didn’t  own, with fragrant steam rising from it.

Biting down the words, the exhausted demon stopped Aziraphale’s hand and pointed to the bowl, raising another heavy brow. The question obvious in his eyes.

The angel’s smile wavered “Yes, that” he sighed “ it's what I was trying to make before...” a swallow “before I burnt it, it's some porridge with honey and some cinnamon.” he refused to meet the other’s eyes “would you like some?”

Crowley inhaled, it was the spicy scent he had noticed earlier, he looked his friend up and down. Aziraphale’s hands were covered in light red marks from where the pot must’ve burnt them, there was cinnamon dusting his hair and a small glob of porridge clung to his sleeve. Crowley felt his heart swell as he watched the fidgeting principality. Aziraphale had done all of this for him and still, he seemed to think that the demon would refuse. He couldn’t have that, now could he?

He gently placed a hand over his stunning angel’s, causing Aziraphale to finally meet his eyes. When he was sure he had the other’s full attention, he nodded and Crowley’s heart almost stopped when a smile lit the blonde's face. He dropped his head as a flush, that had nothing to do with a fever, crept over his face.

~~~

Aziraphale’s hands still stung a bit as he placed the warm bowl in Crowley’s waiting lap. The blurry-eyed demon stared at the bowl for a moment, then reached a shaking hand for the spoon. As the utensil left the porridge a shudder ran through him causing it to fall back into the bowl with a small splash. Crowley glared at his hand as if it had betrayed him.

Not knowing what else to do, Aziraphale placed his own hand on the demon’s shoulder, “would it be alright, if I helped you with this?” Crowley turned his glare to the angel but without his glasses, he couldn’t hide the embarrassment and self-hate in his eyes. 

“It’s okay to need help sometimes my dear.” The redhead flinched at his soft tone or the word the angel wasn’t sure, he but received a reluctant nod. With a small smile, the angel took a careful scoop from the edge of the bowl, then brought it close to the demon. 

Who winced as soon as the food hit his throat, Aziraphale paused but Crowley gestured for another  bite. This continued until the bowl was half empty and his patient's eyes were fluttering closed again. With a soft smile, the angel carefully removed the bowl from the bed and helped the demon lay back down so he could sleep. 

Smiling Aziraphale turned down the hurricane lamp he had  miracled from his shop and sat back to continue his reading.

**

The next time he heard Crowley’s breathing shift, it was late afternoon and fading sunlight was filling the room, lighting the demon’s red hair on fire. Said demon was now stretching, a yawn splitting his face and crinkling his eyes, it was  too adorable to be real but somehow it was. As the angel watched he noticed how movements that were usually smooth and loose, now appeared to be tight and stiff.

“Would you like me to run you a bath dear?” he chose to ignore how his friend had jumped at his voice; he knew the demon would vehemently deny  _ ever _ being startled, so he just continued “The steam may help your throat and a hot bath always makes me feel better.” 

Crowley just stared at him the sun behind him creating a fiery halo, after a few moments Aziraphale was about to start fidgeting when he finally got a slow nod. 

With a relieved sigh he stood, smiling “Wonderful, you just stay there and I’ll get everything prepped.” the demon lifted a red brow as if to say.

‘Where else would I go angel?’

Chuckling the angel made his way to the bathroom, he didn’t know why he was surprised that like the rest of the flat. The bathroom was built with varying shades of grey and black. He supposed that he had thought such a space would have a  homier feel but this was Crowley he was thinking about. The demon would do everything in his power to convince everyone, including himself that he was just as cold and dark as his flat but Aziraphale knew the truth.

He knew the kindness and light that his oldest friend tried to hide, he knew how kind he was. So, with a smile Aziraphale snapped some candles into existence, their flickering light filling the room softening the harsh angles, then he turned some of the facets of the  _ very _ modern tub. Letting the water get to the perfect temperature before plugging the tub and going to see what Crowley had in the way of bubble bath.

It turned out that, while Crowley did have a plethora of products on his shelves. He was severely lacking in anything as indulgent as a bubble bath, so Aziraphale took it upon himself to remedy this. A few moments later he shut off the taps and made his way back into the bedroom, to find the demon sitting up in his bed waiting,

Aziraphale smiled “ All ready ! Do you need a hand up dear?”

~~~

Crowley wanted to glare at the angel for asking the question but if he was being honest S _ omeone! What was this fever doing to his head?!  _ his entire corporation felt stiff and brittle. He knew that if he did try to stand by his own power right now, he would collapse but he couldn’t ask-  _ It’s okay to need help sometimes _ the words reentered his mind unbidden. 

Yes, he did need help right now so he met those blue eyes and nodded sheepishly. The smile he got in return was worth the bit of shame that still clung to him for asking, worth it all. 

Aziraphale was so gentle as he helped Crowley to stand then make their way to the bathroom, that he thought his heart would give out. Distracted as he was, it took Crowley a minute to notice the candles. When they did register, he stiffened expecting another panic. But as he looked around, he felt himself relax, yes, they were fire but they also gave off the perfect amount of light. Softening the ridged corners, he usually preferred. The light also reflected off a pile of... bubbles, there were bubbles in his tub and  the demon knew he didn’t own any bubble bath.

With a lifted brow he turned to the angel he was still leaning against, Aziraphale just smiled leading him over to the glistening tub. Once he was sure Crowley wouldn’t fall when he let go, the angel took a step back, turning away for the demon to get undressed.

_ Someone _ he loved this angel. 

Moving as quickly as he could, as drained and stiff he was Crowley began to strip. After a few moments of struggling with his pants; he felt extremely grateful that the angel had thought to get rid of his skin-tight jeans. This done the weary demon slid into the steaming tub with a sigh, sunk down to his chin, and tapped the wall of the tub, to let the angel know he was done. 

Aziraphale turned back around and chuckled, Crowley lifted a brow in silent question. But the angel just shook his head, smiling, and set a stool at the head of the tub behind him. Crowley turned back to him, bubbles shifting with his  movement .

Another chuckle “I’m going to wash your hair if that's alright?” just then the candlelight hit blond hair lighting it like a halo. 

Not sure if he would’ve had the words, even if he could speak. Crowley nodded and turned back to the bubble mountain in front of him. He had never seen the point in baths, he only had a tub because it had come with the flat but this was the first time, he had used it. Then there were the bubbles; Crowley watched as the flickering light played off them, they were so shiny, soft, and white, just like the angel that settling in behind him a bottle in hand.

Aside from when Warlock was a child, it was the first time Crowley had ever had let anyone touch his hair. Let alone  _ wash _ it for him. Hell wasn’t exactly touchy-feely unless they were shoving past you or looking for a fight and  _ no one _ trusted anyone down there. Not when it often led to dismemberment or worse.

That being said, the demon wasn’t sure what to expect,  he felt himself stiffen again as the angel sat behind him but then soft fingers made their way into his hair.  A heartbeat later the scent of apples filled the air, Crowley sighed, trusting the being behind him. Letting himself relax as those kind hands began to work the sweet-smelling soap into his hair. 

Crowley melted, he wasn’t sure how the angel was doing it but he was so gentle and kind, it made  him feel warm,  _ safe, _ and cared for.

He frowned as he felt Aziraphale’s fingers reach the end of his short hair, he didn’t want the angel to stop. A gasp sounded behind him and a wicked smile spread across the demon’s face as the angel found significantly more hair in need of washing.

“Really dear?” Aziraphale tutted playfully, Crowley snickered then winced as his throat protested. The angel prodded his shoulder with a bubble-coated finger, chuckling “that's what you get.” 

They continued like this, Aziraphale running his hands through the long red hair and Crowley let him, relaxing into the touch while watching the light play over the room. It was nice, just enjoying each other's presence in the quiet, letting their actions speak for them. 

Maybe this whole not talking thing, had something to it.

**

Later in the dimly-lit room, despite still feeling a bit under the weather, Crowley felt more relaxed than he had in millennia. He couldn’t help but smile at Aziraphale as the soft angel tucked him back into the covers, like a child at bedtime.

His smile turned equally soft as the angel sat in his chair, picked up his book, and began to read aloud. Sniffling quietly the redhead snuggled down into his blankets ready to sleep again, to be  lulled away by that warm voice.

Then Aziraphale stopped mid-word with a pained gasp.

Crowley shot up ignoring his protesting corporation, the angel never stopped mid- anything. Not action, not food, and certainly not in the middle of a word. Something was wrong.

“Crowley.” came the pained whisper.

Panicking the demon reached for the angel but all he hit was air as he fell out of the bed, landing on the hard floor. Aziraphale didn’t catch him, the angel wasn’t there, he was gone, he had left Crowley and maybe that was the was worst one of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> Thank you so much for reading my fic!  
> You're kudos mean the world to me! Please comment on your thoughts, I'd love any constructive feedback.  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.
> 
> Once again thank you! I'll see you all soon!


	3. An angel's lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon loses faith and an angel sings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a rollercoaster, be prepared!!

Aziraphale had disappeared, something had to have happened to the angel, he would never just leave Crowley. 

_Would he?_

Long hair fell in his eyes as he searched his room from the floor, nothing was different. Except... all the things Aziraphale had miracled from his shop, like the angel, were. Gone. 

The chair, the notepad & paper, the bowl with leftover porridge, the mug, even the old hurricane lamp. It was as if he had never been there. 

_Had he?_

Crowley shook his head, the sunlight stabbing his eyes, he had to have been there, why else would his hair be so... he touched his head. His hair was short again, and the appley scent that had been following him since the bath was gone. 

_He was alone_

The angel hadn’t been there, it had just been his fevered mind making up scenarios to make him feel better. He shivered as the cold of the stone floor seeped into him. Nobody cared enough about such a pathetic demon, about _him_ to do all those things, Aziraphale had been doing. He had always been alone, no one would ever care for him, on one ever even thought to help him... and he deserved it. Why had he thought this time would be any different? 

A wave of heat shot through him, making him feel as though he was on fire, he needed water, something cool. But he couldn’t move from the floor. _I_ _t’s okay to need help sometimes my dear_ Aziraphale had said that. 

_No, he hadn’t._

It had just been his mind trying to convince him that he was worth caring for. He began shivering again as the heat disappeared.Crowley knew he was just a waste of cosmic space, that’s why he was alone, that’s why he was always alone. 

To think that he had dreamt about being taken care of, like he deserved such love and attention, _yeah right,_ he was alone. Crowley curled on his side as another wave of heat burned him alive, his skin-tight jeans cutting into his corporation. It hurt, everything hurt just like he deserved. He was worthless, unimportant, a disgrace to everything and he was alone. 

A sob escaped him; the room dimmed as another followed it, then a chill. Aziraphale wasn’t here, he was alone, he deserved it, the angel had never been there, he was alone, he deserved it. 

The room seemed to shrink with each repetition of this cruel mantra. He was alone. The air began to feel as tight in his lungs, as Crowley's breath picked up and he began to panic. 

Too tight, too hot, too dark, too quiet, too cold, too confined. 

Just what he deserved after all that he had caused. He was a demon dark, wretched, disgusting... unforgivable. Crowley curled further into himself letting the tears flow whole-heartedly, as his corporation jumped from freezing to burning. This was what he deserved and this is all he would have for eternity. To think that he had thought for even a _moment_ that an _angel_ of all beings would... 

_“Crowley”_ a soft voice called; the demon curled tighter inwards. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. He would float in this burning, frigid void for an eternity. 

_“Please dear, wake up”_ a light came with the voice this time. It wasn’t real, and if it was, why would he need to wake up? He was awake and all he had was this blank darkness. 

_“You’re having a dream dearest, whatever you’re seeing isn’t real.”_ the voice tried again. That couldn’t be true, this had to be real. It was what he deserved, so it had to be real. The darkness curled closer to him, blocking the world out. 

The voice shifted _“I didn’t want to do this, but”_ the voice paused and the thought that used to be a demon sighed, he was alone, this was how it was meant to be. 

_“Crowley help!! FIRE!!!”_ smoke curled up his nose and panic burned through Crowley like lightning. 

_Aziraphale._

_**_

Crowley’s eye shot open, and with a gasp, as he bolted upright not truly taking anything in. _Aziraphale, Aziraphale was in danger! Where was he?!_ Crowley began franticly searching in front of him expecting flames. _Where was he?!_ The demon was so panicked that, he nearly jumped out of his skin when a gentle hand appeared on his shoulder. “Breathe Crowley! I’m so sorry!! Everything's alright! Please breathe” 

_Aziraphale, he’s gone, he's in danger, he..._

Creams and tans swirled across his vision “Zzzira..” pain stabbed through his throat as he blindly grasped for the angel. 

Strong soft arms pulled him back down onto something soft, there was a shift as another body joined him and wrapped around him in a gentle embrace “Shh my dear.” came the soothing voice by his ear “I’m right here, everything is fine, you’re safe, I’m safe, everything is fine.” 

** 

After a few moments of heavy breathing and that soft voice in his ear, Crowley was able to properly take in his surroundings. It was night, he wasn’t sure how long he had been lying there, maybe a couple of hours, the hurricane lamp and everything else was back... like they had never left. 

_You’re having a dream dearest,_ had it all been a dream? But Aziraphale had left him 

_Whatever you’re seeing isn’t real_ a shudder ran through his corporation, and soft arms tightened around him. 

Crowley finally turned his head... and got a face full of cloud blond hair. A sneeze tickled his sinuses, causing his throat to sting again as the hairs tickled his nose. _His_ _throat._ His throat hurt, this had to be real, then that meant... 

The head of blond hair shifted and blue swam before his eyes “Zzira?” a wince, yup this had to be real for his throat to hurt this much. 

A warm sigh brushed across his face “You’re awake.” 

Crowley shook his head “wha-” a hand clamped over his mouth. 

“Now, I do think you have done more than enough damage to yourself, without trying to talk.” 

He lifted a brow _what did he mean? Hadn't it just been a dream?_

Aziraphale sighed again and snuggled closer to the demon “You’ve been asleep for almost a week my dear.” 

~~~ 

The moment the words left his mouth Aziraphale regretted them. Crowley had been calm, he had been awake, and he had been... in the angel’s arms. But the words had fallen out and they had an immediate effect; he felt Crowley’s heart rate spike, his eyes had shot open, and he jumped from the bed, leaving Aziraphale feeling cold. 

Then, Crowley was rushing out the bedroom door, Aziraphale quickly followed, confused, and deeply concerned. The demon raced towards his plant room and began scanning the floor, the same moment the angel realized he was searching for something. Crowley was kneeling on the ground clutching his mobile staring at the too-bright screen. 

“Dear?” Crowley held up the device, pointing to the date under the time... six days after the bath. The demon looked terrified as he nodded “yes, that’s the date.” The redhead pulled his knees to his chest, causing his long hair to fall into his face, he jumped, the length seems to startle him. “Crowley?” The angel knelt beside him, even more worried. 

His friend just shook his head and began to rock back and forth. At a loss, Aziraphale pulled a notepad & pen out of his pocket and pressed them into trembling hands. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.” Crowley stared at the paper as if he had seen a ghost before he could ask anything else. The pen was moving and Aziraphale was struggling to keep up with the words. 

‘You were reading, then gone. Then everything else you brought was gone, thought... thought’ the pen was shaking so hard it was a miracle it didn’t fall from his fingers. Aziraphale rested a hand on his trembling shoulder as the demon began to write again. 

‘thought I had dreamt it, that you were never here, that I was _alone’_ the pen did fall out of his hand this time as he finished the last word. 

Aziraphale pulled him into a tight hug, running a hand through his hair “Oh my dear, why would I do that? I will never leave you alone.” 

The demon’s head snapped up at this, the pen suddenly back in his hand ‘why not?’ there were tears in those golden eyes and Aziraphale’s too human heart broke, as the pen continued to move ‘you’ve left before, I’m a demon, you don’t need me, I’m supposed to be alone, I’m always alone, why?’ 

The angel pulled his dearest friend closer, “I’m so sorry that you felt that I left you but I never would, not for long anyways” he amended, pushing away memories of fights and years of heartbreaking separation. “Because” he had to fight to keep his voice steady “because you are brilliant Crowley.” 

‘Not’

The word almost brought tears to the blue eyes. “Oh, my darling you are” he gently removed the pen & paper from those thin fingers, then with the same care, the angel hooked his own fingers under that sharp chin and brought those stunning golden eyes to meet his. “You are the kindest being I know, you are more intelligent than all of heaven & hell combined” those eyes tried to look away unbelieving but he wouldn’t let them “you are wily and mischievous, you make everything so much more entertaining, you care so much and you Crowley” soft honey blinked up into hard blue “you are important.” 

The demon recoiled as if he had been struck and shook his head franticly practically screaming ‘NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT!!!’ he tried to escape the angel’s embrace but once again that wouldn’t be allowed. 

“Crowley” the word was a plead and command, the wriggling serpent stilled and Aziraphale smiled, stroking the side of that beautiful face. “I will say it again, You. Are. Important” he stressed each word, needing the demon in his arms to understand, needing him to realize what Aziraphale already knew “you are so important, to the world and to me.” 

There was still stubborn doubt in those eyes, yet the blush that raced across his face was unmistakable and the redhead seemed to melt a bit at the words. Crowley freed a hand to point to a word.

‘Why?’ 

Aziraphale chuckled, eyeing his demon “I will tell you but later.” The serpent tilted his head confused. “Dear,” the angel smiled “in case you’ve forgotten, we’re sitting on the floor of your plant room, you still have a fever, you’ve been asleep for almost a week and you should really still be in bed.” 

The redhead looked around as if realizing where they were for the first time and blushed harder as he finally noticed how they were situated. The demon was practically in Aziraphale’s lap with the angel’s soft arms still wrapped around him. Without another word and ignoring the weak protesting sounds that came from his demon. Aziraphale stood, bringing his charge with him as he so did and carried a suddenly exhausted demon back to bed. 

~~~ 

As soon as he touched the bed Crowley panicked. 

He didn’t want to close his eyes, to lose more time, to be drowned by another nightmare. Then there were arms around him, a warm body pressed against his, a hand began carding through his hair as the lights dimmed and the first notes of an ancient lullaby filled the room. 

Aziraphale was singing. 

Crowley had never heard his friend sing, always assumed he didn’t like to but now the angel was singing, to him. _For_ him and he hadn’t heard a song like it in eons. It was like hearing a half-forgotten piece of music and realizing how it had been missing. The song was crafted from a simple melodic lilt, similar to heaven, resonating through his corporation, just like it had all that time ago. 

Then it shifted, not much but he heard it, there was something different, a new undertone that didn’t quite fit. This fresh layer held a sharpness to it, like a bit of defiance to the uniformity and simplicity of the original. It was strange, but wouldn’t be ignored, it changed the entire feel of the song. Yet... made the hymn that much more beautiful. The strangeness of the new layer added a depth that the first now appeared to lack. The original _was_ beautiful, with its harmony and light but it was missing that sense of _feeling._ The new one was like the stars, like a warm cup of cacao, like a welcome home, it sounded like... like Aziraphale. 

Crowley blinked back hot tears as he buried his face in the soft form of his angel and let himself be soothed by the not-quite angelic lullaby. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale knew exactly when Crowley fell asleep, he stopped singing with a sigh and ran a hand through that beautiful hair. Yes, Crowley was asleep and he should be concerned if he would wake up at all this time but unlike the last time. Somehow the angel knew that the demon wouldn’t stay asleep too long. 

** 

_Six days ago_

Aziraphale had only been reading for a few moments when he realized, Crowley’s breathing had become shallow and erratic. Concerned he had set the book down, approached the bed, pressed a hand to the demon’s forehead, and snatched it back in shock. 

Before the bath, Crowley’s fever had been going down but now, he was sure that if he had been human Crowley would be in deep trouble. Now being a demon did mitigate some of the worries they had a bit of hellfire in their core so it should help fight any infection. But the fact that his fever had shot up so quickly, and the demon was now shaking. 

It frightened Aziraphale. 

Unsure what else to do, he miracled a cloth with some ice water and pressed it to the fevered skin. Hopping the cold would wake the demon... Crowley only began to shiver while sweat beaded along his hairline. Frantic Aziraphale piled more blankets on him but kept the cold cloth pressed to his forehead, in praying it would keep the demon’s temperature balanced. The shivering retreated but now as Aziraphale checked his temperature again, he saw the sleeping demon’s face. Somehow even in sleep, Crowley was extremely expressive, his face giving away all his thoughts if you knew how to look and Aziraphale had picked up that particular skill millennia ago. 

And what he beheld there it made his heart ache; Crowley’s brows were pinched in the way they did when he heard something he didn’t want to believe. His jaw was clenched in resignation to whatever he was experiencing, his lip was trembling and there were tears running down the planes of his face. 

He was having a nightmare, a bad one and as the angel tried and failed to wake him Aziraphale knew this one would not let its hold go lightly. 

** 

After three days of watching his demon fight nightmare after nightmare, and trying to keep the demon’s temperature steady; by shifting blankets, bowls of cold water, and many, many prayers. The shivering stopped, for a split second Aziraphale hoped it meant his friend would awaken but with his shivers, Crowley’s breathing stopped as well. 

It was just for a moment, one heart-wrenching moment, a moment that seemed to stretch on for years. Then as that moment ended, there was a wave of emotion so powerful it knocked Aziraphale backward. 

_Worthlessness, unimportance, a deep sense of disgrace_ and _loneliness_ so much _loneliness_ it brought tears to the angel’s eyes. Then came the whimpers, and a deep shuttering breath followed by a sob that tore Aziraphale’s soul from him. 

Until now, Aziraphale had only been able to glimpse the pain his demon’s mind was putting him through, by watching his face but he had never heard a peep from him. Now, this was different, now Crowley, _Crowley,_ who was all swagger and coolness. Was crying, _sobbing_ like an abandoned child, _and_ as if that wasn’t enough to break Aziraphale’s heart. 

The angel, who usually could only feel positive emotions, could feel _everything single dark thing_ that his poor demon was experiencing at that moment and his heart _bled._

_“_ Crowley.” he tried curling up beside him, not caring what the other would think when they woke up Aziraphale needed to be as close as possible to him. “ _Crowley”_ he imbued a bit of his love for the demon in that word “Please wake up.” the demon didn’t stir. 

The next morning, still curled against the redhead he whispered, pushing moreover his love into the words _“Please dear, wake up”_ silent tears ran down the angel's face as the demon remained still. 

When the sun rose again and Crowley’s breathing began to pick up again. Aziraphale tried something different _“You’re having a dream dearest, whatever you’re seeing isn’t real.”_ if anything his words seemed to only add to whatever haunted the redhead in his arms. 

On the third morning, Aziraphale had an idea to wake his sleeping demon and he hated it but this had to stop “ _I didn’t want to do this, but”_ he miracled a candle, lit the wick, let it burn for a moment before blowing it out... right in his love’s face and spoke the words that would wound them both but ultimately help in the long run. 

_“Crowley help!! FIRE!!!”_ the effect was immediate. Crowley jolted awake like Aziraphale had shocked him, then the panic took hold of the demon and the angel had to talk him down again. 

** 

Yes, he hated that he had, had to cause his friend distress but he would do it again if it meant that he could see those eyes open. 

Yes, reading about what the demon had dreamt had broken his heart but he had been able to hold him in his arms and say at least a fraction of what he thought about his friend. 

Crowley had seemed so sure of his own perceived lack of value it had taken everything the angel had to not begin crying. 

Yes, he was worried that Crowley would push him away when he lay beside him but he hadn’t and Aziraphale had sung for the first time in millennia. 

There was a reason Aziraphale had never sung to the demon; it was because the simple act of singing had always been a challenge for him. 

Yes, he had perfect pitch just like all angels but for some reason, it pained Aziraphale to sing the hymns of heaven. It was like trying to sing while lying down, he could never get enough air and it left his chest tight and aching. 

But if he could help his demon in any way, he would do anything to do so. It had hurt to see Crowley in so much distress, it hurt him in a way the angel never knew he could hurt 

Yes, it hurt Aziraphale to sing but it would be soul-wrenching to sit there and do nothing, so if singing a silly lullaby would soothe the demon’s mind. He would push through. 

Aziraphale didn’t care about the pain he received if it meant that Crowley could suffer less. He knew he could never do anything to truly be worthy of this stunning demon. So, this lullaby that he sang, this was enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support I've been getting for this series! I was hesitant to post these but everyone has been so supportive, I can't even begin to describe how happy it makes me. 
> 
> Thank you, here's to many more chapters
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.


	4. Granola or torture cereal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ineffable idiots have a brunch that confuses Crowley, it’s soft just like them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! This one is a lot softer than the last one, our boys need it.  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.

Aziraphale didn’t know where he was, all he knew was that he was warm and holding something infinitely precious in his arms. Then he felt a gentle hand shake his shoulder, he didn’t want to open his eyes so he just tightened his grip on whatever was in his arms, the hand came again, desperate this time. Aziraphale finally opened his eyes and was greeted with concern-fill gold ones, it took his mind a minute to process what he was seeing... 

_Crowley,_ it was Crowley in his arms and they were laying in Crowley’s bed and Aziraphale had fallen asleep, he hadn’t realized he had been so tired. Those golden spheres blinked at him and the angel smiled. 

“Good morning dear.” The demon lifted a hand and gave him a little wave, Aziraphale frowned “is your throat still hurting you?” a small nod and Crowley turned his phone to show him something, the angel blinked at the screen. “Is that the time?” it was late morning, no wonder Crowley seemed worried, Aziraphale rarely slept much less slept-in. 

A wonderful thought entered the angel’s mind and he smiled. “How does some brunch sound?” Crowley blinked then looked down at his mobile, typed something, and showed it to him. 

‘Don’t really feel like being around anyone else right now, angel.’ 

Aziraphale smiled softly at him, running a hand over the demon's forehead finding it still quite warm. “I figured my dear, I meant how about I make us something to eat. Something that won’t hurt your throat too much but will still help with your energy.” 

A look of shock crossed the demon’s face. ‘You can cook?!’ 

Chuckling, the angel untangled himself from the blankets and redhead, feeling a bit colder as he did. “Of course I can.” he smirked down at his friend. “What? Are you telling me that you can't?” 

Those golden eyes disappeared into a pillow, in a clear ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ 

Still chuckling Aziraphale stood and began padding to the kitchen when he heard a sound behind him. “Crowley what are you doing!?” Crowley had stood as well almost knocking a book off the nightstand in the process, the angel rushed to him. “Don’t push yourself! I can make breakfast and bring it back here; you don’t have to get up!” 

But the demon was shaking his head ‘Don’t want to stay in bed right now, I'll just watch you while you cook.’ 

“Are you sure?” 

A smirk ‘Yes, I don’t believe for one second you can cook without burning something and I want to see this for myself.’ 

Aziraphale remembered the last time he had cooked anything and the results... he couldn’t blame Crowley for wanting to be sure, so he nodded “Very well, but you are staying on the couch while I prep everything.” 

His words were rewarded with a poorly-hidden smile of relief, which melted the angel’s heart. He was about to turn back to the door when a spindly hand wrapped around his wrist. ‘I may need an extra hand getting to the couch.’ 

The blond didn’t bother masking his smile, yes there was still a spark of hesitation and slight shame in those brilliant eyes but _Crowley_ was asking for help, “Of course my dear, do you want to lean on my shoulder or would you rather I carry you?” 

Crowley glared at him, but there was no venom to it, especially since there was a blush creeping over the redhead’s cheeks ‘Leaning is fine, no need for carrying anyone. I’m not a child’ 

Aziraphale smiled, remembering how sweet he had looked curled up in his blankets waiting for the angel to start reading. “Whatever you say dearest.” 

~~~ 

_Dearest,_ the word rung through Crowley’s mind; the soft teasing of the words prior was lost on him as the angel led him to the living room. _Dearest,_ he fought to keep his face cool as Aziraphale gently helped him get comfortable on the couch, so he could watch him cook. 

He really didn’t want a repeat of last time and the demon would never admit it but he was terrified that the angel would disappear as soon as he couldn’t see him. Unaware of the thoughts raging through the redhead’s mind, Aziraphale pulled a blanket out from under the couch and tucked it around Crowley. Like he knew how easily the serpent got cold, like he knew that was why there was always a hidden blanket in reach and that was why he knew where they were. _Dearest._

Aziraphale was now padding over to Crowley’s small kitchen. “I’m not sure how this will turn out but it should help your throat.” the redhead just gave the angel a thumbs up, smiling the blond began miracling up the ingredients he would need. With a sigh Crowley settled further into the cushions, ignoring the fact that he actually wasn’t hungry along with the headache pounding against his skull, and watched his angel make something for him. 

** 

It turned out that Aziraphale hadn’t needed to cook anything to begin with, Crowley never heard or saw him use the stove. He couldn’t see everything from where he was laying but the angel only seemed to be chopping things. Then he poured something white into two bowls, followed by arranging whatever he had diced on top of the white stuff. 

Crowley was so confused, but he didn’t have the energy or the strength to get up and see what that silly angel was doing. So all he could do was stay where he was and wait. He must have dozed off for a moment because the next thing he knew Aziraphale was tapping him on the shoulder. 

“I’m sorry to wake you dear, but brunch is ready and I really do think you should eat something.” Crowley blinked awake with a yawn, feeling the way his throat seemed to tighten with the movement, and carefully pushed himself up to sitting. He pulled his knees closer to himself as Aziraphale placed a bowl in his lap and sat in the space his feet had vacated. The angel watched him expectantly as Crowley looked down at the dish he had been given. 

It was... fruit? The entire top of the bowl was covered in blueberries, bananas, strawberries and they were drizzled with honey. There was a spoon beside him and Crowley used it to poke at the fruit suspiciously confused. _What about the white stuff?_ He got his answer a second later when he pushed past a slice of strawberry and hit... yogurt? Is that what they were calling it these days? 

The demon didn’t eat much so he was unsure but he was definitely confused, how was random fruit and yogurt a meal? He finally glanced up at Aziraphale, who seemed to be barely restraining a smile and lifted a brow in a clear. 

‘What’s this?’ 

The angel was definitely fighting a smile when he spoke “It’s called a yogurt bowl, dear and everything in it is supposed to help with sore throats... or so I've read. A customer recommended it to me a little while ago and I will admit, I was skeptical but it's really quite good.” 

Crowley looked over his legs to see what Aziraphale had put in his... there was something else in the blonde's bowl that wasn’t in his. He pointed at the strange golden-brown chunks in Aziraphale’s bowl then to his but the angel shook his head. 

“I don’t think having granola would give you any help my dear.” 

‘Why?’ 

A chuckle. “You’ve really have never had granola before? {{pause}} {{pause}} It's been around for at least a century now.” Crowley shook his head bewildered _How could something so small, hurt him?_ Aziraphale sighed “You see granola is made of baked rolled oats, with brown sugar or honey and it can actually be quite hard. So, if it doesn’t scratch the top of your mouth, then when not chewed properly it can end up scratching your throat and I don’t think either of us wants that right now.” 

The demon blinked at the small pieces of hell and wondered how he had never heard of them, if he had, he was sure he could have pawned it off as one of his ideas to hell. A breakfast that can tear up your mouth and yet they still eat it? _How on earth had this never come up before?!_

Aziraphale seemed to read the look on his face and began laughing. “Dear, if you're thinking about how you could have given granola to hell as one of your ideas then I have to tell you that I thought they were when I first tried it.” 

_What?!_ The snickering angel continued. “The first time I had granola, I wasn’t careful enough and did end up scratching my mouth with the pieces, it was so frustrating! I enjoyed the flavor but couldn't help hurting myself, so of course, I thought it was one of your ideas.” 

Crowley didn’t know whether to be offended or proud, he settled for scowling at the being across from him but Aziraphale just smiled and gestured to the demon’s bowl. “Try yours now and when you’re better you can try some granola.” Crowley wasn’t sure he wanted to try this supposed torture cereal but he turned back to his own bowl and noticed something. 

The strawberries and bananas had all been carefully arranged into the shape of a coiled snake, with the blueberries creating a rock-like backdrop. Crowley snapped his head up to point this out but the angel was already eating, a look of soft bliss on his face, and Crowley would be dammed again if he was ever the cause of that bliss being interrupted. So, he just smiled, took a covert picture of the red and white snake with his mobile, then began the brunch Aziraphale had put so much care into. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale’s cheeks ached from smiling so much. _How could a demon be so adorable?_ The smile grew when he saw how Crowley took a picture of his bowl, he was so pleased with how it had come out. The angel hadn’t been sure if his friend had, had such a dish before, it certainly was quite different from what he usually ate but it had been the first thing to come to mind. 

Now watching those golden eyes widen as he tried what Aziraphale had prepared, he was so glad he had tried. After a few moments of comfortable silence, while the two ate, Aziraphale got himself to ask. “Do you like it?” he already knew the answer but the angel still wanted to have that confirmation. 

Crowley’s head snapped up, brows raised, his expression was the epitome of ‘why would you ever ask such a silly question?’ but the demon nodded and Aziraphale’s cheeks began to ache again as he smiled. 

A handful of minutes later, Crowley placed his bowl on the floor yawning as he did. Concerned Aziraphale glance at the discarded dish, and sighed, all the fruit had been eaten and yogurt was almost gone. It was more than he could have hoped for, so he quickly finished his own and stood. 

“Would you like to return to bed while I clean up or would you rather stay here for now?” the bleary-eyed demon seemed to take a moment to consider, then snuggled further into the couch cushions. Aziraphale chuckled “very well then my dear, you get comfy while I take care of our mess.” 

It didn’t take the angel long to wash all the dishes and utensils he had used to make their meal, yes, he could have just miracled everything clean but it never felt right to him. Plus, Aziraphale enjoyed the slightly mindless task of cleaning, it was the same reason he dusted his shop by hand as well. _The bookshop._ He should probably go check on it soon, he had left in such a rush the other day he was sure he had left a cup of cocoa or some such out, it was most likely moldy by now. 

Aziraphale glanced over at the figure softly snoring on the couch and thought of how badly Crowley had wanted to keep him in sight. That nightmare must have really done a number on him, the angel shivered thinking about the few that he had experienced. Then thought about those being extended over _a week_ and what his demon’s had been filled with. 

No, he wouldn’t leave Crowley alone until he told him too, moldy cocoa be dammed. Looking over Aziraphale noticed that the demon’s now long hair, was getting quite tangled and he had an idea that spawned butterflies in his heart. Hiding a smile, the angel went over and knelt by that stunning red hair. 

“Crowley dear” he whispered, gently stroking a hand down a long arm “I have a question for you.” A sliver of gold and a raised eyebrow, let the angel know he was listening. “I noticed that your hair is getting tangled, would you like me to brush it out and braid it for you?” 

This got the demon’s attention as his eyes shot open and he pointed a trembling finger at himself, in a meek. ‘Me?’ 

The pained disbelief in the gesture almost brought tears to his eyes but Aziraphale kept a soft smile on his face “Yes you dearest.” 

It seemed to take the redhead a moment to process what was happening but when he had, a smile broke over his face and he nodded. The angel miracled a brush along with a ribbon, as Crowley rolled over to give better access to all of his hair. The small noise from the demon as Aziraphale began brushing out that fiery hair made his heart melt and break at the same time. 

It sounded like a whimper but not one of pain, it was much closer to one of longing. Like having his hair brushed and being cared for was something the demon had been craving but couldn’t bring himself to ask for. Aziraphale thought about all the times he had wanted to reach out for those thin hands, to show how much he truly cared for his closest friend, to be as close as possible to him but the angel had denied himself these things. Another one of those not-quite-whimpers came, as he tugged gently at the coppery strands, and carefully began to braid them together. 

Then Aziraphale thought of what Crowley had revealed earlier; how him keeping these feelings to himself had hurt his friend, how denying their connection, pushing him away and keeping his distance. Had led this precious demon to believe that he didn’t need him that the angel was somehow better without him that this beautiful, caring, brilliant being in front of him _wasn’t worthy of being loved_. 

And that thought cleaved the angel’s heart in two. 

Aziraphale hadn’t noticed he had finished the braid and was just sitting there holding the end in his hands until Crowley shifted. Rolling back over to face him, eyes wide with that concerned confusion, a too-warm hand touched his face and the angel realized he was crying. 

“Sorry dear.” he tried to pull a smile onto his face as he wiped away some of the still dripping tears. “I don’t know what came over me.” the angel couldn’t remember the last time he had cried, especially in front of someone. 

Crowley held up his mobile. ‘What’s wrong angel?’ 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” he tried another watery smile but knew he had failed as Crowley slowly sat up, patting the space beside him. Not bothering to argue Aziraphale joined him on the couch, then the demon did something he definitely wasn’t expecting. 

Crowley placed his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder and looked up so gold could meet an ocean. Waiting patiently for the angel to start and if Aziraphale hadn’t already been in love with this demon. Then those kind open eyes would have made him fall right then. 

~~~ 

Crowley wasn’t sure what had made Aziraphale cry, the angel had been playing with his hair and it had been wonderful, it had been exactly what he had been craving without knowing he was. Then he had heard sniffling behind him. He didn’t know what had triggered such a response but he knew when the angel was getting caught in his head and he knew from experience that it wasn’t always the best idea to keep it in. 

He would never tell anyone but that was what his plants were partially for, he had spent many nights just screaming his worst thoughts at them. Framing his words as things against the foliage rather than himself, and they somehow took it every time, those plants were stronger than him. _The plants_ he should probably ask Aziraphale to check on them, they hadn’t been watered in days. The feeling of something wet hitting his head brought Crowley back to the present. 

The angel was crying even harder now and for some reason, he had thought it was smart to place his head on the blonde's shoulder, in a convoluted way of asking him to talk to Crowley. It had seemed a good idea at the time but now as they sat there and Aziraphale remained quiet, he wasn't so sure. He was about to move away from the angel and apologize for overstepping or going _too fast,_ when the words finally broke the silence. 

“I’m so sorry my dear.” the angel whispered. 

_What?!_ That was the last thing he had been expecting to hear, maybe a rant about one thing or another but certainly not an apology. Unsure what else to do, Crowley waited, keeping his head on that broad shoulder, eyes on that kind face. 

“I’m sorry that I made you feel as though you weren’t important to me.” 

_Wait..._

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t always there when you needed me.” 

_Wait. Wait. Wait!_

“I’m sorry for saying such terrible things to you on that day, I... I-” Crowley had heard enough, using as much strength as he could gather. The demon sat up and tackled his angel to the couch, cutting off the slew of self-deprecation. 

“Stop.” he rasped. “Please... angel... stop.” _Someone_ , his throat hurt from those few words but he’d be dammed again if he let this perfect angel continue with such words. 

“You’re perfect. I’m the one that should be apologizing.” Those blue eyes blinked owlishly at him, not understanding. So, he pushed on ignoring the pain and exhaustion tugging at him. “I’ve pulled you away from your books for days, I asked you to go against heaven, I haven’t thanked you for what you’ve done for me, I put you in danger of our bosses. I-” 

It was Aziraphale’s turn to stop an avalanche of hateful words. With a gentleness that stopped the demon short, the angel wrapped his soft arms around him and pulled the redhead down against his warm chest. “It seems to me my dear that we have a lot to talk about.” he whispered in Crowley’s ear, “But...” he could hear Aziraphale’s heart thundering under his ear, “I think we should wait until you're feeling better.” 

_What did he mean?_ Crowley felt fine, his mind felt a bit foggy but not too bad, he tilted his face up to the angel and lifted a brow. 

Those blue eyes sparkled “My dear, your voice was getting better but as you were talking it got worse again and now, I could barely hear you.” the demon blinked, _had his voice really gotten that bad?_ He couldn’t remember. 

“Also, your temperature has gone up again since we moved here for brunch,” _really?!,_ Aziraphale smiled but there was still an edge to it “dearest, you don’t have your blanket anymore and you still feel too warm to be healthy.” 

Crowley glance around, the blanket that he assumed had been what was keeping him so warm was now laying on the floor and he knew how cold he would normally be without one. Maybe Aziraphale had a point. _Dearest._

“So,” the angel continued “I’m going to pick you up.” before Crowley could protest, they were upright and the sudden shift in position made his head spin. _Yup_ Aziraphale definitely had a point, his thoughts were interrupted again as they began to move. “We are going to go back to your room, I am going to put you back to bed.” they entered his room as the angel spoke and made their way over to said bed. 

“Then you' re going to lie down.” Crowley felt the cool sheets touch his too-warm skin. “get comfortable” blankets were pulled up over him. “and I am going to sit here” he heard the creak of a chair “and read something to you.” pages rustled and Crowley blinked up at the beautiful creature before him. 

As the words began to fill the air around them, Crowley could almost feel the care and love radiating off the angel. Smiling he closed his eyes and finally got a good night’s sleep


	5. Words in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley talks in his sleep, and his angel isn’t sure what to do with what he hears. Also, a few questions are answered and a few more are asked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter got away from me, it was supposed to be a fluffy chapter with a bit of existential crisis sprinkled in but... as many writers know. Characters can have minds of their own, then they can take over when you’re not looking and you never know what you’re going to end up with.   
> Now we have my largest piece yet resting at almost 4,200 words!  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.

This time when Crowley woke up, he could feel how drained his corporation was. He could feel it in how his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, in how heavy his eyes were, and how his bones seemed to be one wrong move from shattering. 

With a groan that scraped against his throat, Crowley pried his eyes open, blindly reaching for anything to drink, then something cold hit his hand and he wrapped his fingers around it. Then there was something warm and soft covering his trembling fingers and a similar sensation was gently lifting his head, guiding him towards the cold thing in his hands. It was a battle to crack open his parched lips but somehow, he did, and then there was the cool relief of feeling something soothing traveling down his throat, like heavenly ambrosia. 

The sound of someone’s voice made its way into his clouded mind “There you go dear.” 

“Hmmm.” He loved that voice, it reminded him of warm blankets, light sunny days, the rustling of paper, and soft lamplight. That warm sensation carefully brought his head back to the pillow and slowly removed the cold from his fingers. The voice that accompanied the warm sensation made him feel safe, it was comforting, soft, with a hint of steel that made it so perfect. In that moment he felt so warm and cared for that he let himself think the words he had been ignoring. He was just going to think them, then he’ll go back to sleep, if he just thought them nothing would happen, the only being that would hear them would be him. So... he thought them. 

“L’ve you... ang’l.” then Crowley rolled over and fell back asleep. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale sat frozen, a glass of milk and honey in his hand, staring at the demon softly snoring before him. _Love you,_ Crowley had said... the angel blinked and set the glass on the bedside table, his mind struggling to comprehend what he had just heard. 

_Love you angel._ That was what he had said right? He wasn’t just imagining things...right? 

Something warm and wet hit his leg, Aziraphale’s fingers traveled up the side of his face to touch the corner of his eye. Pulling his hand away the angel blink down at the dampness now on his fingers... _he was crying.._. again. He sat there staring at that saltwater, his hands trembling. 

_How?_ How could a being as wonderful, courageous, and beautiful, love something as boring, cowardly, weak, and plain as him? He didn’t understand. His tumbling thoughts were interrupted by a dry cough, followed by a pained whimper and another cough. 

Without thinking, Aziraphale stood so he could reach Crowley’s forehead and gently placed a damp cloth over the fevered skin. The demon sighed in his sleep relaxing a bit as the angel began to run soothing strokes down his face. _Love you_ Aziraphale had thought he knew himself but those two words struck a chord in him, that he had not even known existed. Of course, he knew his own feelings for the being in front of him, he had known for centuries but he had denied and avoided them like a plague, because how could they ever feel the same? 

He knew what he was like; pudgy, selfish, gullible, boring. He looked down at his clothes, the same ones he had been wearing for centuries; old, frayed, and plain, just like him. So, of course, he had denied any possibility that _anyone_ could care for him, let alone _love_ him but Crowley... 

Another cough followed by a sniffle came from the bed, Crowley was sick and feverish. He must have been seeing things or dreaming or he said something completely different from what the angel had _thought_ he had heard, there was no other plausible explanation. 

Aziraphale wasn’t sure what felt worse, the fact that Crowley had said what the angel had thought he had heard and it had been a result of the fever and untrue or; he said it and it was somehow true. Either way, it was highly unlikely that the demon would remember any of his words once his fever broke and if that was the case then things would just go back to the way everything had always been. 

That thought wasn’t as comforting as Aziraphale thought it was going to be. 

~~~ 

When the world came back into focus for Crowley, the sun was out, Aziraphale was beside him, and his head still felt clogged but it was better than it had been in days. He tried to sit up but his arms didn’t seem to want to listen to him, still feeling stiff and fragile, so he just rolled over to face the angel, _beautiful._

The gentle light coming from the window was painting the cloud-like being in front of him in stunning contrast, to the dark room around him. Where Crowley’s room was sharp, plain and well, _black_ , the angel before him was soft, interesting, and decidedly, _not black_. In fact, the demon wasn’t sure he had _ever_ seen the angel wear anything darker than a golden cream or tan and he was just fine with that. 

Seeming to feel the attention now on him, Aziraphale looked up from his book and smiled at Crowley. “How are you feeling this morning my dear?” 

Crowley blinked trying to reorganize his thoughts around that smile’s devastating effect and did his best to shrug. The small movement sent a twinge of pain through his shoulders and neck, causing him to wince at the sensation. The smile instantly fell from the angel’s lips, as he stood and sat beside the demon, worry evident in his tone and eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” soft hands began to run down sharp shoulders and stiff joints, searching for the cause of what pained him. Crowley tried to shake his head, to tell the angel he was fine but his corporation wouldn’t listen to him. “Crowley?” there was a note of panic in that wonderful voice, but before Crowley could try to move again. 

The demon felt a bit of grace begin to flow into him as the angel tried to heal him. Any other time it would have felt like a breath of fresh air or a warm cup of coffee on a cold day, soothing away his hurts, but for some reason today, it felt like lightning. 

Like he had just stuck a fork in a light socket, like the sharp pain of hitting your elbow on something but feeling it in every joint and it _burned._ The only time he had ever felt something similar was when he had danced over consecrated ground but then it had only been his feet that felt it, now the sensation was everywhere and somehow _worse._ Crowley blindly flailed his burning limbs, trying to get away from the sensation and whatever was causing it. 

It _hurt,_ the only sensation was that pain, he could feel his demonic soul _screaming_ as he tried to make whatever it was, _stop_ _._ His fist hit something solid, there was a sharp intake of breath. Then the pain stopped, the sudden lack of it was both a dammed blessing and a twisted curse because, without anything to focus on, Crowley could feel his consciousness slipping away. 

Before he completely lost his grasp, he heard a pained voice tremble by his ear _“Crowley? Crowley!”_ then he was gone, dropping into a void like a stone in a bottomless lake. 

** 

You would think that after such an experience, Crowley’s mind would want to rest but that was not the case. Cause while Crowley knew he asleep, he could see something around him, _scales,_ red and black ones. They were everywhere, every corner of this space was filled with them, some were floating on their own, others were just sitting in a pile in front of him. With a jolt Crowley realized that these weren't just some random snake’s scales, these scales were _his,_ he was somehow seeing his true form from outside himself. Crowley had never heard of _any_ being doing such a thing... but that wasn’t what he should be focusing on, he noted as the reason for this phenomenon quickly became apparent. The pile of scales he had seen earlier was _him,_ it was his soul coiled in on its self, and that had to be why he had been so stiff. 

It is a well-known fact that Crowley is always in motion, always shifting or walking or moving in some way or another, and under the surface, under his human façade, so was his essence, moving along with it. Now, however, there was no movement, as those coils stayed knotted around themselves, and just like when someone stays in one spot for too long; Crowley’s soul had become stiff, causing his corporation to feel the same. 

But _why_ was it so harshly wrapped upon its self? Crowley focused on where the coils were tightest, willing them to ease enough for him to see what it was hiding. Gently shifting scales aside, he moved deeper into himself searching for the cause, when he finally reached his core and saw what was there, his non-existent heart stopped. 

His demonic essence was injured. 

Crowley wasn’t sure why he was surprised; he had felt sore and his throat had been scratchy since the apocadidn’t, but he’d ignored it as the change in seasons, then the fever, followed by the loss of his voice. He really should have thought of this but... how did an occult being’s essence become injured? 

Where there was usually shining scales of obsidian black and blood red, was frail flaking sheets of gray mourning veils and pink sifts of fevered skin. His fangs felt dull, his many eyes glassy with pain and his horns looked one good tap from toppling from his head. All in all, it was not a good look, he almost didn’t recognize himself and that was saying something for a being that had already head their original from stripped from them. _What could have caused this?_

Crowley moved in for a closer look brushing a translucent hand over the scales still on his form as he did, and _hissed_ , stumbling back. Somehow there was something _holy_ clinging to his scales and they _burned_ like... like... like when Aziraphale’s grace had touched him. 

But... but... but... how? How had his essence gotten completely coated in dammed holy power?! 

_Like when Aziraphale’s grace had touched him._ The thought reappeared in his mind and Crowley realized... he was a fool. Of course, switching bodies with an _angel_ would have an effect on his _demonic_ side. Of course, in doing so some grace had brushed against the hellfire in his essence, irritating it and wear at its defenses. And of course, it would take Crowley an out of soul experience to realize this, he was such an idiot. 

So, now he knew the cause of everything or at least most of it, where did this leave him? He should heal but it takes energy to heal and if the state of his scales was anything to go by, he was running very low on that. Maybe he could force himself to wake up and ask Aziraphale what he suggested but, forcing _anything_ right now would probably hurt more than help and he really didn’t have any energy to waste now. 

Exhausted, Crowley was about to just lay there in his feathery scales and rest, when he felt a warm light begin to surround him. His first instinct was to cringe away from whatever it was, in fear of being burned again but... as that soft light brushed against his inner walls, it didn’t hurt. 

Where angelic grace had burned and shocked him, this felt like liquid comfort, like a warm blanket tucked around his shivering form, a quiet night in from the bustle of humanity, a candlelit bubble bath, a brilliant sapphire smile after a witty joke. It felt like his angel. 

_Aziraphale._

_I’m here Crowley. I’m not leaving. Take whatever you need. I’m here._

That warm voice echoed through the space around him and filled Crowley with an energy he had never known. Feeling renewed Crowley took another look at the problem before him and suddenly knew exactly what to do. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale had only wanted to help. 

He had seen how Crowley had winced from such a small movement and he had thought a bit of grace would help soothe the ache from tried muscles. But then Crowley’s corporation had stiffened from his touch, then the heat had come as if Crowley was burning from the inside out, and he was twisting from the angel’s hands desperately trying to get _away_ from Aziraphale. As if _he_ was the one hurting the being, he cared most about. 

If that wasn’t enough, throughout the entire thing Crowley had been _screaming,_ it had been such a primitive sound of pure pain that it was _still_ echoing through the angel’s skull. Then Crowley’s fist had connected with Aziraphale’s jaw with such a surprising amount of force, it had knocked him away from the demon. 

Aziraphale sat on the floor where he had landed, stunned. _What had just happened?_

Moving slowly, the angel sat up with a wince as pain laced through his jaw and came to kneel beside his demon, searching for any sign of physical injury without touching him... There was none that he could see from his vantage point. With trembling hands, Aziraphale reached over the tangled sheets and pressed a hand to Crowley’s cheek. 

He had thought the fever had been bad before, but now it was somehow ten times worse and Aziraphale was sure he had somehow had something to do with its intensity. A cool tear crawled down the angel’s face, all he had wanted to do was help but all he had done was bring Crowley pain. That seemed to be the only thing he could do, cause the one he loved pain, just like that week before the apocamissed, and during that silly world war and in the 1800s and so many other times before that. 

_He was a failure of an angel._ As Aziraphale watched his love begin sweating from the unnatural heat he felt those words shear through him like a flaming blade. He really was, he had never been what an angel was supposed to be, angels weren’t supposed to care for one being more than any other but Aziraphale had cared for one being above all others for millennia, even before he knew the word for it. 

_Love._

A shudder ran through the demon followed by a faint whimper, yanking Aziraphale out of his thoughts with a jolt _Crowley._ His brave, wily, beautiful Crowley was suffering and he had to find a way to help him. Aziraphale knew he couldn’t just wait around for the other to wake, he also knew that any human way of helping would be lost on the demon and any use of his grace would just make everything worse. Aziraphale thought back on the last time he couldn’t wake Crowley and what he had done to wake him, he had poured his heart into words, words imbued with... 

_Love._

If grace hurt Crowley and human medicine was ineffective then... maybe... just maybe. Aziraphale’s love for his demon could help somehow... well only one way to find out. 

With this new purpose in mind, the angel carefully made his way onto the bed, lay behind the burning demon, and wrapped his soft arms around the thin frame. Aziraphale filled his mind with everything he loved about the being in his arms; that flaming hair, golden eyes that always said what their bearer was feeling, a sharp tongue, a soft heart, and everything else that made Crowley... well _Crowley._

Feeling the warmth that these thoughts filled him with begin to overwhelm him, Aziraphale began to pour every ounce of that feeling into the precious creature in his arms. Whispering as he did _“I’m here Crowley.”_ the ring of that hearty laugh. 

_“I’m not leaving.”_ a smile as a brilliant mind comes up with the strangest scheme he had ever heard. 

_“Take whatever you need.”_ the furrow of those red brows as said scheme backfires on him. 

_“I’m here.”_ that melodic voice proposing a toast to the world. 

Aziraphale repeated these words over and over, their syllables filling the air around them. This continued as the sun slowly made its way across the sky and began to sink past the horizon but the angel kept going. He could feel Crowley’s temperature going down, it was a slow process, each lowered degree being hard fought for but it was progress. 

The moon had just reached its peak when Crowley finally stirred; his thin lips parting in a silent yawn, eyes narrow golden crescents as he slowly turned to face Aziraphale. That constant stream of words was cut off as a smile played over those lips but before Aziraphale could say anything, there was another silent yawn. Quickly followed by the redhead rolling onto his side so they were facing each other and snuggling closer to the soft blond. 

Not knowing what else to do the angel pulled his demon even closer, tucked his nose into those flaming strands and Aziraphale was finally able to take a deep breath as thin arms wrapped around him in turn. Soon both beings, even being as tangled up in each other as they were, fell into a deep restorative sleep, finally getting some well-deserved rest 

~~~ 

Crowley wasn’t quite sure what happened after feeling that of warmth had appeared and he had heard Aziraphale’s voice in his void but he knew he was feeling much better. He still felt weak and had a fever but there wasn’t a supernatural edge to it anymore, it was just his corporation catching up with his now-mostly healed essence. 

Right now, he felt warm but in a comfortable way like being wrapped in a soft blanket, and for the first time in he didn’t know how long, Crowley felt safe. 

After an undiscernible time, the warmth began to fade and Crowley panicked, whimpering he began to blindly grasp for where the warmth had gone. _Had he just been imagining it?_ He felt another whimper crawl up his throat as the warmth faded further. 

“Oh dear.” Crowley twisted towards the sound of that voice, reaching for it without thinking “come here dearest” then the world was shifting under him, he felt himself being lifted from where he lay. A whine escaped him as cold air hit his now exposed skin but the voice chuckled “everything’s fine dear, just give me a moment...” the voice trailed off as the world shifted again. 

“There we go.” Crowley felt the voice settle onto something, bringing him with it. Then the warmth was back as something soft wrapped around him, followed by another layer of warmth covering him. Sighing, Crowley snuggled into the softness beneath him reveling in how wonderful it felt, then there was a rustling of paper and a creak of wood on wood as something began to slowly rock him back and forth. 

Crowley didn’t even bother fighting to stay awake, he was exhausted from both healing his essence and the fever and he wasn’t sure he could have fought the fatigue, even if he had wanted to. So, as a melodic hum flited through the air, compounding with the sounds of paper and creaking wood Crowley let himself drift off again. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale had woken up a while ago, feeling refreshed and well-rested, he really wanted to get a cup of tea but he hadn’t wished to wake the demon softly snoring in his arms, then an idea had struck him. 

As carefully as he could, the angel had untangled himself from limbs and sheets, then quickly made his way to the kitchen and made himself a pot of tea. As he came back into the room, he heard a whimper come from the bed. “Oh dear,” he murmured 

He saw Crowley, eyes still closed shift towards him reaching for the angel and Aziraphale’s heart melted “come here dearest.” He placed the tea on the bedside table, then gently lifted the reaching demon from the sheets and tucked him close to his chest. A shiver ran through Crowley as he whined at the loss of the warm sheets, keeping his voice soft the angel smiled. “everything’s fine dear, just give me a moment...” 

Moving slowly Aziraphale sat back into his chair, bringing the redhead with him. “There we go.” he wrapped an arm around the being in his lap, with a sigh, white wings extended and also wrapped themselves around the pair. This sigh was soon echoed by the demon in his arms as said demon snuggled closer to the angel. 

Still moving carefully Aziraphale picked up his book the shuffling of pages filling the air, then with a soft push of his foot, the armchair became a rocking one, creating a soothing melody of familiar sounds. Aziraphale smiled as he felt these sounds reach Crowley’s ears, and the demon instantly relaxed. 

Still smiling the angel began humming as he started reading one of his favorite books in a warm cocoon of white feathers and he held something more precious than the world in his arms. 

** 

It might have been a few minutes or several hours, Aziraphale wasn’t sure but eventually, he felt Crowley stir in his arms. Carefully setting his aside book he looked down, just as sleepy sunrise eyes opened and looked up at him, he felt the smile spread over his face at the sight. “Hello there dear.” 

He watched, that smile fix on his lips as Crowley slowly blinked and looked around, seeming to take the feathers around them with something like _wonder_ in his eyes. “Are you feeling better now dearest?” The redhead blinked again as he appeared to finally realize where they were, but before he could panic Aziraphale, gently tightened his grip on the demon. 

"It's fine Crowley,” he didn’t want them to have to separate but he saw how those gold eyes flitted around nervously and before he could stop himself the angel added. “We can stay here or I can get you back in bed... It's your choice but know that; either way is fine by me.” _dearest._ He did stop himself from saying that again, he really didn’t want to scare Crowley away with his careless words. 

Crowley’s eyes darted over the angel’s face looking for any dishonesty and found none. Aziraphale saw the battle that raged behind twin suns, he could almost read the thoughts spinning through that brilliant mind; stay in this warmth and let himself be cared for or move to the now cold bed and be alone if only for not being able to touch the angel. 

As another shiver ran through the demon’s corporation, it was clear which side won. With a defeated sigh the exhausted demon curled closer to his angel and wrapped his thin arms around the soft being. Aziraphale smiled, picked his book back up, tightened his wings around them, and began rocking them in time with the pages. 

~~~ 

Crowley could have stayed the way they were for eternity and he would have... if his stomach hadn’t done something it had never done before. 

His stomach _growled;_ the sound was so unexpected he felt Aziraphale jump, the sound came again and Crowley buried his face in the angel as embarrassment burned through him. Then he felt the angel began trembling _what was going on?_ He had the answer to his question as another growl escaped his stomach and Aziraphale _laughed_ , the trembling had been him trying not to but now, the angel seemed to be unable to control himself and he was _laughing_. 

Crowley tried to glare up at the blond but there was so much surprised joy in that soft face, and pure light in the sound that he felt his cheeks begin to burn again. After a few moments, those beautifully joyous sounds subsided and Crowley dared to look back up at the angel, to find him smiling down at him, the sight made the breath catch in his throat. 

“How about I make you something to eat dearest?” _Dearest_ , was it just his imagination, or was the demon slowly hearing that word more and more? Either way, he hoped it wouldn’t stop. Remembering that the angel had asked him something, Crowley nodded and got a blinding smile in return. 

“Wonderful!” Without another word, white wings pulled back to reveal a moonlit bedroom, then with the demon still in his arms, the angel stood and went to find something for them to eat. 


	6. Onyx and Alabaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley confesses one of his fears and his angel must put this fear to rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I try to post weekly and I am so sorry for missing last week's post! Things have been crazy but that's life in 2020 right? ;-D

It took another day and a half for Crowley’s fever to go down again and for the demon to have enough strength to sit up on his own and eat some of the soup Aziraphale made for him. 

Some color was finally returning to his skin and he wasn’t trembling anymore when he ate but the angel could see the exhausted curve in those thin shoulders and the glassy sheen in those serpentine eyes. Yet the demon always ate at least some of whatever the angel gave him, no snarky quips or taunting glares, he didn’t even lift a brow when Aziraphale had brought him a questionably smelling drink. 

This should have made said angel, at least somewhat happy, however, it was having the opposite effect. Aziraphale was used to the quick wit and sarcasm of his demon and the lack of it was unsettling, to say the least. 

“My dear...” he finally ventured; Crowley looked over to him as he fidgeted “I obviously know that you’re still not feeling well but...” Crowley tilted his head in confusion, the coppery strands catching the setting sunlight so brilliantly Aziraphale lost his train of thought for a moment “but is there anything else bothering you?” 

The pen and paper were back, they had discovered that the phone screen made Crowley’s head hurt ‘What do you mean angel?’ 

Aziraphale shook his head, trying to find the right words “I know that you haven’t had any nightmares for the last couple of nights but you still have this... I’m not sure how to put it...” he gently rested a hand on Crowley’s cheek, causing him to flinch but neither pulled away “You look so haunted my dearest like you’re waiting for something terrible to happen or for me to leave.” 

Crowley bowed his head at the last part ‘you have to some time; I can’t expect you to keep taking care of me like this.’ 

It was the angel’s turn to be confused, _where had he gotten that idea?_ He studied the demon in front of him; shoulders now curved in defeat rather than exhaustion, head still bowed, and such a sadness around his as if Crowley had expected him to agree. Aziraphale wasn’t about to let him believe this for a second longer, so as slowly as he could, trying not to startle the demon, he moved closer. 

“Crowley” the blue-eyed angel murmured tucking a soft finger under that sharp chin, lifting it so their eyes were meeting. “I am going to stay as long as you need me, like it told you before, I’m not leaving you.” 

Aziraphale could see the disbelief in that stunning gold. That disbelief in the serpent’s eyes was like a locked door when one didn’t know which key to use to open it, but Aziraphale patient and he had an entire key ring at his disposal. He had played a part in that door locking, so now he would be the one to open again. 

“I also know that you won’t truly believe me when I say this but I'm going to keep saying it till you do.” He kept his eyes locked on the disbelief and fear swimming like shadows those pools of light. 

“You are important Crowley. To me and to the world” the demon jerked his chin from the angel’s grip and buried his face in a pillow. This didn’t deter Aziraphale, and Crowley hadn’t covered his ears so the angel moved to sit on the edge of the bed and as he spoke again, he began to comb his fingers through strands of fire. 

“You are important, you are brilliant, you are worthy” each tender statement was punctuated by another stroke through that red hair. “I would have been discorporated countless times if it weren’t for you saving me just as many.” he could feel thin shoulders shaking now but Aziraphale wasn’t done yet. “You always know when I need you, and you’re there, even if I think I don’t you, you’re still there for me.” 

Aziraphale lay behind the trembling demon and carefully wrapped his arms around him “Dearest,” the word was hardly a whisper “I know that have I pushed you away every time you reached out to me and for that, I am so sorry, I was wrong for doing that. I was scared but that is no excuse. You are an irreplaceable part of my life; I don’t know what I would do without you and I want to be that for you.” 

Crowley kept his face in the pillow but he spelled out a word, just one word on the sheet between them. 

‘Why?’ 

That was the ineffable question, wasn’t it? 

Why, was he still here? On earth, cut off from heaven and all it had to offer. Why, did he stay when it would have been easier to leave? Easier to fall in line with heaven’s rules, easier to just go back to his book shop and let Crowley sort himself out. 

_Why?_

And this gorgeous creature in his arms deserved to know the answer, no matter how badly Aziraphale wished to hide away and pretend he didn’t know. Pretend that it was just a friendly emotion that took him over when this demon was near, pretend that maybe the other felt the same way as he did, even if he knew that was impossible. Just pretend that none of these feelings were and had always been inside the angel, overwhelming him and comforting him. Aziraphale knew he was being selfish in his wishes to pretend and brush everything off but it was what he had been doing for millennia. 

As he lay there fighting with himself, Crowley lifted his head from the pillow and was now on his side facing the angel... waiting. He was always waiting while Aziraphale struggled to catch up and as he lay there sorting through these thoughts, his demon waited some more. 

Always so patients and kind, he wasn’t sure how one being could so beautiful inside and out but he knew he was just the opposite and would bring this being down with his ugliness. Aziraphale blinked when Crowley came closer, that question still in his eyes but there was now concern and flicker of fear there as well, concern and maybe something else, all for the selfish, plain angel and he realized something. 

It didn’t matter what _Aziraphale_ thought, _Crowley_ deserved the truth. He could stay in his head and stew till the world ended again but Crowley deserved to know how loved he was, even if the feeling wasn’t mutual, _Crowley_ deserved so much and Aziraphale would do his absolute best to prove it to him. So, he looked down at the demon in front of him, the angel couldn’t help a smile as he found him still waiting still as death. 

“Dearest.” Aziraphale began, ready to spill his heart into those amber pools when there was a knock at the front door. 

~~~ 

Crowley nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a sharp rap at his door. _Who on earth could that be?!_ He glanced from the bedroom door to the angel beside him, watching as that beautiful face contorted into a frown. 

“Can’t be anyone from heaven or hell, none of them would be that polite,” Aziraphale muttered as Crowley’s own thoughts came to the same conclusion. Another knock sounded, a bit more urgent this time and realization dawned on the angel’s face. “Oh dear.” 

Then he was racing for the door, leaving Crowley blinking after him. A moment later he heard the door open and a feminine sigh of relief soon followed, he could hear Aziraphale’s voice but not what he was saying. The angel sounded apologetic and slightly frantic but then there was another voice cutting him off, Crowley almost snarled at the thought of someone cutting off his angel but the voice was light with calm compassion. It was a woman’s, he listened closer and caught a few words from this stranger. 

“Aziraphale... no need...books” _oh,_ it was that book girl. His sluggish mind tried to remember her name Anna?... no... Ant... An... 

“Anathema” he heard the angel sigh _ah_ that’s what it was. There were a few more moments of their voices flitting through the air, Crowley struggled up to sitting as he heard the door close and the angel padded back into the room. Significantly more relaxed than when he had left, the demon raised a brow as the blond came and sat beside him once more. 

“That was Anathema, last time I saw her I offered for her to come by the shop to look at some of my books of prophecy.” he winced slightly “I forgot today was the day we agreed upon.” 

Crowley held up a hand and wrote something out ‘This is what I meant’ Though the thought felt like a knife to his heart, he still wrote it ‘you can’t stay here; you have other more important responsibilities.’ 

The angel sighed grabbing the demon’s chin again and dam him if that touch sent waves of warmth through his corporation but Aziraphale was speaking again his voice was soft but held no room for argument “Crowley listen to the rest of what I have to say before you go down that path again.” he could only nod in the face of that tone and the angel sighed again. 

“Yes, the dear girl came by the shop and no one was there she naturally she became worried... So, she came here hoping you would know where I was.” Crowley raised an incredulous brow and the angel chuckled “yes, I told her where you lived in case there was an emergency. Anyways, I made sure to apologize to her for forgetting and explained you weren’t feeling well.” 

He couldn’t help but flinch, he didn’t like _anyone_ knowing when he was vulnerable let alone _sick,_ demons were never the caring sort. The angel continued as if he hadn’t seen the demon twitch “She was really quite understanding; she told me to wish you a fast recovery, she even offered to look after and tidy up the shop while you recovered.” Crowley was confused, _why would the shop need tidying?_ Aziraphale always kept it immaculate. 

The angel seemed to read these thoughts from his eyes as he leaned a bit closer “You see, it seems I had left a cup of cocoa out and it appears to have grown a bit since then” Crowley pulled a face and Aziraphale laughed the sound filling the demon “I do remember leaving in a bit of a rush.” sapphires glinted as the angel smiled down at him “I had _more important_ things on my mind at the time.” 

** 

_More important_ , Crowley blinked up the blond, somehow, _he_ was more important than the angel's cocoa, than his beloved bookstore, than sharing his love of books with another. He had left, had _forgotten_ all of that for him, _more important._

‘Why?’ 

Why would he do that? Why was he, a disgusting demon that important to such a perfect being? ‘Why?’ 

And just like when he had first asked that question only minutes ago, Crowley was struck dumb by the look in those sapphire eyes. Last time he had had to wait for the angel to come up with an answer but this time, this time with the demon's sharp chin still gently held in his soft hand. Aziraphale brought their faces together, foreheads pressed against each other, mouths so close their breath mingled. 

“Dearest,” the angel began "My dearest, I am so sorry you feel the need to ask that question. My darling demon.” Aziraphale pulled away but only enough to lock his gaze to the demon's wide eyes “Would it be so hard to imagine that....” 

Crowley could only stare barely breathing as the angel closed his eyes for a moment then reopened them with a sigh, and he was struck dumb _again_ at the look in those eyes “Would it be so hard for you to imagine that _you_ are the reason why?” 

_WHAT?!_

Another sigh as if Crowley had just shouted the word rather than thought it, and that soft skin was once again pressed to his “Is it so hard to imagine that, you have been the most important thing to me for so long I can hardly remember when you weren’t?” 

Crowley was trembling, trying to comprehend what the angel was saying. “That, when I was scared of our home offices or harped about _opposite sides”_ he spat the last two words out with such fervor it startled the redhead but before he could do anything Aziraphale continued. “It was because I was frightened that...” 

Soft hands moved to cup his face; Crowley hadn’t realized he had been crying until gentle thumps were wiping the tears away. 

He knew he should care about the fact that the angel was seeing him cry _again_ but all he cared about were the soft, heartfelt word that continued to pour from equally soft lips. 

“I was frightened that the one creature, the one being, the _most important thing in the whole universe_ would get hurt or disappear from my world because of something I did?” 

There were tears in his angel’s eyes as well and Crowley could see the flicker of fear in them but Aziraphale was smiling at him. Then came the words he never in ten billion eternities, thought he would hear from _anyone_ , let alone the being shining in front of him. “I love you Crowley and I am so sorry it took me so long to say it.” 

The words wound their way into his mind, his heart, his very essence, and settled into the cracks left there by things he would rather not think about right now. _I love_ _you;_ those three simple words were so sincere and those eyes were so open that it was a wonder Crowley had ever doubt their exitance. _I love you_ They filled these cracks, lining them with love and gold as if that was where they were always meant to be. 

Crowley realized he hadn’t moved since that angel had last spoken as the blond began to shift a bit as if he was about to pull away but he couldn’t let that happen. As quickly as he could Crowley wrapped his arms around the soft middle of his angel and pulled him as close as possible. He met Aziraphale’s gaze, his throat was still too raw for him to speak, so he let all the love adoration he had for this incredible being finally bubble to the surface. 

He let the warmth that filled him whenever this blue-eyed being was near overflow, he knew the angel would feel it. Then he pulled his wings into view, flaring them out carefully, then with the same care he curled them around their two forms and smiled. 

~~~ 

Aziraphale had expected shock, he had expected a fight or at least disbelief but then there were night-black feathers being wrapped around them and Crowley was smiling brightly at him and the angel felt the emotions pouring from the demon in his arms. The flood of sensations knocked the air from him, as he caught his breath the angel looked into the shining gold in front of him. 

Crowley was still smiling and the expression was more joyous and open and lighter than any Aziraphale had ever seen than any the former demon had ever allowed himself. As the angel continued to stare into those gleaming coins, he could still feel that beautiful, humming emotion emanating from the being in his arms, it was like every good thing he could think of, then multiplied by eternity and distilled into a wave of light. 

In the face of such a feeling all he could do was smile back, tightening his grip on his demon Aziraphale spread his own wings, interlacing the light and dark together, and repeated the words he had been holding back for too long, the ones that could barely encapsulate what he felt. 

“I love you and I’m never going to leave you again.” 

Crystals began to run down the sharp planes of his beloved face again but Crowley was still smiling and as they lay there encased in onyx and alabaster, he pressed their foreheads together and traced the words over the angel’s heart. 

‘I love you too.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> This was my first time writing a confession, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.... how did I do?
> 
> There is so much I still want to do with this story but I don’t really have a plan for it, just lose ideas, so I’m going to take a short break. Until now I’ve just been writing it week by week, seeing where the story took me but now I would like to have a bit more of a framework for it and more written before posting the rest. I plan to start posting LMCY again at the end of January.
> 
> Thank you all for your kudos and comments they make my day!!  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.


	7. The crash of memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale goes out to get the pair some treats (they deserve it) and Crowley ends up revealing another fear of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! And with more of our ineffable boys!! Thank you all for waiting!  
> This will be fluff with a sprinkle of angst but nothing too terrible, enjoy!

An indiscernible amount of time later, the two finally stirred from where they had been curled around each other. Crowley had drifted off at some point his head resting on Aziraphale's shoulder but the angel had stayed awake softly watching the way his love's eyes flickered behind closed lids as the demon dreamed. 

Now those eyes where open, amber disks blinking up at him thoughts still obviously blurred by sleep as the demon seemed to be trying to figure out why the angel in his bed right now.

Aziraphale smiled "Did you have a good rest love?" oh it felt so _good_ to finally say that but he could tell it may take the adorable creature still in his arms some time to get used to it, as Crowley's cheeks turned a bright red that clashed with his hair. 

'Wasn't a dream?' the angel smiled at his demon as he finished etching the words on his chest.

"No, darling." Crowley blushed again "It wasn't a dream" he kissed a still blushing forehead and sighed "Your fever is still slightly there but it has gone down a great deal."

'Feel better.'

The angel beamed "That's wonderful dear." The red head's blush darkened and Aziraphale could feel his smile widen "Are you hungry?"

Crowley chuckled, smirking up at his angel 'Not really but you are.' An overexaggerated huff was his only reply. 'Go get something for yourself, angel, I'll still be here.'

Remembering their previous conversation, the angel was suddenly serious. "Are you sure?"

A blushing demon snuggled closer to him, drawing more words across his arm. "Yes. I trust you." he looked up golden eyes wide, a blush still dusting his cheeks. "Just don't take too long?" a pause "please?"

~~~~

Now, Crowley had seen many, if not all, of Aziraphale's smiles, there was the 'bastard smile' (mischievous and a bit wicked), the 'wonderful food smile' (content and satisfied), the 'pleasing your asshole bosses smile' (strained and small) and many more. Yet he had never seen the smile the angel was giving him now, it was warm, loving, compassionate, tinged with a hint of something deeper that he couldn't quite name. In short, this new smile was one he had never experienced before; was the softest expression Crowley had ever seen and it turned his insides to honey. 

Then the angel was leaning over him, his blond hair catching the light as he gently pressed his soft lips to a sharp forehead and whispering "Of course my dearest" Crowley shivered at the contact, Aziraphale pulled back and this time he knew which smile was gracing him, as a mischievous glint lit those ocean eyes. "I shall endeavour to return post-haste."

Crowley groaned. 'How do I love you again?' 

A kiss was pressed to the tip of his nose, causing the blushing redhead to the sneeze. Smiling, Aziraphale began to carefully untangle himself from sheets, feathers and limbs. Crowley missed his angel's warmth the moment it left him as Aziraphale stood, dismissed his wings and stretched. The watery light from the single window, chose that moment to strengthen, hitting his angel in such a way it seemed to cause him to glow.

_ Someone,  _ _ he's _ _ beautiful. _ Crowley wondered if his angel knew it...  probably not , especially with how the other angels seemed to treat him.  _ I'll _ _ just have to change that. _ The demon was so caught up in his thoughts of angelic  blonds and how lucky he was that said  blond could love something like him. It took him a moment to realize that he was being spoken to, blinking Crowley drew his gaze up to laughing sky blue eyes and raised a brow, a blush once again painted across his cheeks.

Aziraphale smiled "You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?" Crowley just blushed deeper and shook his head. With a playful sigh, the angel came back over to the bed. "I said that; I'm just going to run down to the café down the street and grab us some pastries." He leant down to kiss Crowley's forehead, murmuring the last words against his skin. "Okay, dearest?"

If he had been able to speak the extremely  flustered demon, would have  most likely released a string of unrelated consonants followed by a forced _ Yeah _ . However,  seeing as this demon was currently without his voice all he could do was give his angel a shaky smile and a nod. 

Both of which were rewarded with a blinding smile from said angel and another soft peck on his forehead. "I'll be back in no time darling." Crowley hummed and Aziraphale went to find them some sweet treats.

~~~~

As Aziraphale stepped out onto the street he glanced up, angry grey clouds were beginning to gather above him. Looking a little too similar to the way it had, that day a few months ago, for comfort. "Best be quick then." he mumbled to himself.

The sky only became darker as he made his way to the small café around the corner, the wind picking up as it did. By the time the angel opened the door to the cosy café, fat drops of rain were beginning to fall. "Oh, dear." Aziraphale placed his order as quickly as he could and waited impatiently for the lovely young lady behind the counter to gather all the pastries together. Once she was finally done, the angel thanked her and bustled out the door. The moment he left the warm interior of the café the rain began to fall, the wind increased strength as well and an ear-ringing clap of thunder filled the air. Sighing the occult being miracled an umbrella and quickly began making his way back to his demon's flat.

***

The moment the angel set foot in the dim flat, he knew something was wrong. Lightning cracked across the sky, followed another clap of thunder that shook the building. "Crowley?" 

A small whine was his only response. Panicking Aziraphale nearly dropped his box of baked goods as he raced for the bedroom. The sight that met him as he entered the sparse room, was not what he was expecting.

Somehow a mountain of blankets and pillows, of all sizes, colours, thicknesses, and styles had appeared on the usually sleek bed. Creating a rather strange contrast to its grey surroundings and under it all there was the slightest hint of long red hair. Another ear-shattering blast of thunder and the pile of blankets let out a terrified whimper. 

Aziraphale's heart cracked at that sound, setting his cargo on the bedside table, the angel crawled across the bed to where he could see that lock of red hair "Darling." he murmured and a shaking hand slithered out from under the mountain of fabric, searching for his. Smiling, the angel caught the trembling digits in his warm hands, kissing each  knuckle . "Is it the thunder?"

Another hand made its way out into the open, tracing a word on a soft thigh. 'Yes.'

The blond pressed a kiss the inside of the hand still caught in his. "Is it because of that day?" He remembered the thunder and lightning that had filled the air when he had found his demon drunk in a pub after running into a burning bookshop.

His answer surprised him 'Sort of.' 

~~~~

Crowley was terrified. The storm had come out of nowhere, one moment he was waiting for his angel to return while beginning to drift off again. The next, there was a crash of thunder so loud and so unexpected, it had nearly sent the demon flying into a panic. Another of those sounds had filled the space and without a thought, Crowley had called up as many blankets and pillow as he could, trying to muffle the monstrous noise. Then came the howling wind, the bullet-like raindrops and yet another roar of thunder.

Whimpering he had burrowed deeper into his fabric sanctuary.  Maybe the storm would be over before Aziraphale got back and he could pretend that nothing was wrong.... as if he would ever be that lucky. 

He didn't hear when Aziraphale returned, to caught in his own fear and memories but then he felt the bed beneath him shift and a soft voice calling him. With herculin effort Crowley got his hand out of his layers of protection, searching for his angel. A soft hand caught his and the demon felt himself relax, if only a little bit. Then there were loving kisses being pressed to his skin as he continued to tremble uncontrollably and a soft question being whispered into the air.

'Yes' he traced simply along a warm thigh, another kiss and question followed but this answer was a bit more complicated. However, in his current state of terror and ill health, Crowley was not in the right place to answer fully so two words would have to suffice 'Sort of.'

The demon knew his angel had more questions; why was an ancient occult being, so afraid of a little thunder and lightning? Why was he hiding like a small human child? What did he mean by 'sort of'? But before Aziraphale could ask any more, another flash of lightning lit the room and its roll of thunder causing the furniture to tremble. The sound echoed in Crowley's head, forcing him to relive moments of pure terror and hurt, it always had. 

Feeling completely overwhelmed, Crowley pulled his shuddering hands back into his cave, where it was safe but they did not come alone as an angel crawled in after them. It took his mind to long to comprehend what was happening for him to try and stop the blond. So, Crowley could only try to hold still as Aziraphale snuggled closer with a sigh. All the while keeping a thin hand in one of his soft ones, then the other one appeared on his back running soothing strokes up and down his sharp spine. 

"It's okay dearest, I'm here." Crowley sniffled, six thousand years of holding everything back had him hesitating but it was quickly overrun as the air seemed to vibrate with the deafening sound of thunder and the warm, stead-fast, comfort coming from his angel. 

Shivering the petrified demon curled around the soft being, getting as close as possibly he could. Another boom sounded around them, causing a whine to escape him but in their little world of blankets and each other, the overwhelming sound was muffled. Aziraphale continued to hold him, whispering soft words of love and comfort into his ear, drowning out the terrifying noises coming from outside.

Crowley knew he was going to have to explain everything to his angel but at that moment; under a mountain of warm blankets, in the arms of the one being in the cosmos that he loved, as they comforted him without thought. Crowley felt safe, he felt cared for and more than that he felt loved.

So, he snuggled closer to his angel pressing a kiss right above the soft being's heart and tried to get some sleep.

~~~~

Aziraphale was very confused; what had Crowley meant by 'sort of'? What else could have happened to have such a lasting effect on him that it still caused him to be so terrified? When could it have happened? Had he been there? What if-

A deafening clap of thunder interrupted the angels spiralling thoughts as his demon yelped curling closer, shivering in fright. It broke his heart to see Crowley who usually so full swagger and wit, so terrified and small. 

"Everything's alright darling, the storm will be gone soon." truthfully Aziraphale had no way of knowing when this monster of a storm would be over but his words seemed to comfort the demon as thin shoulders relaxed a bit. So, the angel continued to move his hand in soothing strokes along his love's back, murmuring words of loving comfort into the warm air between them. 

Eventually, Crowley's breathing shifted; turning slow and deep as he drifted off into a restful sleep. Aziraphale smiled yes, the storm was still raging outside of their small world but somehow despite the fear that had plagued his demon earlier. Was now soundly asleep, curled around the angel like the wonderful snake he was. As Aziraphale gazed adoringly at him Crowley made a quiet snuffling sound, his lips curved in a soft smile and it was just too adorable to be ignored. 

So, he didn't. Drunk on the thought that he got to do this now, Aziraphale leant in and gave his beautifully adorable demon a peck on the nose. Chuckling the angel smiled as said nose crinkled and a small sneeze escaped but Crowley remained asleep another of those endearing snuffing sounds coming from him.

_ Oh, how he loves his demon. _

***

When the sun rose the next day the storm was gone, the sky was a bright blue and Crowley's fever had finally broken. Aziraphale's smile when he checked the demon's temperature, could have put the sun to shame.

"I'm so glad." he sighed, miracling away all the extra blankets.

"Me too." Crowley rasped; the angel gave him a look but the demon just smiled. "It's fine angel, just a bit sore now."

Aziraphale huffed but smiled back. "That may be, but I'm going to go get you some milk and honey and you are going to stay here and rest some more."

The early morning sun caught copper strands, lighting it up like star fire, as their owner curled around one of the remaining pillows "Whatever ya say, angel."

Beaming the blond made his way to kitchen humming, he wasn’t sure where he had learnt this tune but the sound of it had always made him smile. He gathered up what he needed then returned to the bedroom, still smiling and humming. When he reentered the room the way Crowley was staring him made him stop. The demon was sitting up still as marble, black pupils blow wide, thin mouth hanging slightly open and he had a look on his face that the angel couldn't decipher. "What is it dear?"

Aziraphale's question seemed to snap him out of wherever the serpent's mind had gone, as he blinked and visibly gulped. "Where....where did you hear that song?" the thinness of Crowley's voice had nothing to do with a sore throat.

Light brows furrowed as the angel set the glass of milk on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed facing Crowley, head tilted to the side. "I'm not sure" he shrugged "I recon I heard it somewhere at some point, I don't know the words to whatever it is but the melody has always made me smile." 

Aziraphale took a closer look at his demon, who was looking more flustered with each word that had fallen out of the angel's mouth. "Why?" Crowley refused to make eye contact. "What do you know of the melody?"

~~~~

_ Shit, shit, shit  _ how was he supposed to explain this? 

"Ngk." Crowley finally choked out "Uh." he coughed and Aziraphale handed him the glass he had previously set beside the bed. Smiling gratefully the demon took the offered glass and downed half of it in one go, this done he sighed and mumbled something that sounded like "I wore it fur ya."

The angel blinked "I'm sorry dear but I didn't quite catch that."

Crowley finally met those stunning blue eyes and confessed the one thing (well the  second thing) he never thought he would have to. "I wrote that piece, and I wrote it for you angel." before Aziraphale could respond he was rushing on. "I would get bored during our time apart... so I..." he rubbed his neck "I started writing music and that piece you were just humming was a piece I wrote about you for you. Sorry." 

The words finally off his chest the mortified demon chugged the rest of his glass, looked away and waited. He waited for the shocked disgust, the sneer of contempt _. Pathetic. _ He knew how disgraceful it was for a demon to try to create something, let alone something that wasn't for the damnation of humanity.  _ Worthless _ . He knew he shouldn't have tried, a lowly being like him trying to capture the pure beauty of an angel in a simple music piece? _ Disgusting.  _

Crowley had forgotten who he was talking too, forgotten who had just laid with him, soothing him as he was frozen with fear. He had forgotten all the words that had been gifted to him just the day before. But as Aziraphale grabbed his chin, the angel gently turning him so blazing sapphire caught trembling amber and pulled Crowley into a kiss. He remembered. 

The kiss was soft, careful and yet so full of love and warmth it lit him from the inside out. Before the angel could pull back, Crowley was wrapping his arms around the softness of his love, tugging him close and returning the kiss in full. It was burning yet kind, powerful yet loving, it held the incredibly passionate sparks of some new thing, while still holding the solid foundation of what the two had built together over millennia. 

Needless to say, it was perfect and seconds or hours later when Aziraphale finally pulled back just enough to speak he smiled at Crowley in a way that defied description. "Oh, my dearest how could you ever feel sorry for creating something so beautiful?" the overwhelmed demon sputtered but his angel just gently pressed their lips together again, effectively silencing him, before continuing. "I already told you, even before I knew the origin of the melody that it made me smile. Something _ you _ created made has always made me just a bit happier."

Crowley could only stare as the smiling angel did a full-body wiggle "And finding out that you made such a wonderful piece makes it so much more." Aziraphale met his eyes again. "Does that make sense?"

Struck dumb again, Crowley only nodded a smile growing across his face because it did.

_ Oh, how he loves his angel. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Crowley writes music... surprise? But honestly, I did not plan for this development, Az was just humming and then boom! Crowley is saying he wrote that... it just sort of happened and once again you can ask any writer; characters often have their own ideas of how the story is going to go and things just happen. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for waiting and I hope you enjoyed this addition!  
> I would love to say there are a bunch more chapters to come but sadly we will soon be closing up this story. I reached what I feel is wonderfully soft ending for our boys, so next chapter will be our last but fear not! I will soon be posting a new piece I have working on and I'm super excited to share it with everyone!!  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there.


	8. A demon's melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys cuddle, Crowley plays for his angel and Aziraphale loves his demon even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff. This is it! This will be the final chapter to "Let Me Care For You". I may add an epilogue of some sort later down the line but for right now, this is the end of this story.

"When did you begin writing music?" They were laying on the couch in Crowley's living room, Aziraphale's hands were once again in Crowley's hair who was almost asleep, mind drifting about. The question wasn't that surprising but it pulled the demon out of his half-asleep state as he hummed thinking. 

"Not sure..." Aziraphale waited, fingers still playing with copper strands, as Crowley tried to think past the wonderful sensation. "Maybe around the fourteenth century? Needed something to distract myself." Aziraphale hummed, no doubt remembering that horrid century, as Crowley reached towards the coffee table. Searching for his glass of the milk and honey but instead was met with the angel's mug of cocoa. With an internal shrug, he grabbed it and took a sip. 

"That is mine, you wily serpent" Aziraphale jabbed his shoulder, the teasing in his voice negating reprimanding words. 

Said serpent just smirked and downed the rest of the drink in one swallow "Itss not anymore." he hissed, tilting his head up as the blond squawked in mock outrage. 

"You fiend!" Crowley laughed, still gazing up at his angel. Watching as the sun played with the cloud-like curls and his sky eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled. 

"Can I play something for you?" the words fell out of Crowley's mouth before he could stop them. "I... I mean." he struggled to backtrack, his mind screaming _to fast!!! To fast!!_

But then Aziraphale's smile somehow brightened even more. "Would you?" in the face of such brilliance, Crowley could only nod. 

"Is... is there an instrument you like?" 

The angel hummed again tilting his head up as he thought "How about a harp?" the demon gaped at him sputtering for a moment before he noticed the smile on his face. 

"Oh, you bastard!" Crowley all but shrieked glaring up at him, then Aziraphale was laughing, wicked delight shinning in sapphire eyes. "And they call me the demon!" The angel just kept laughing and after another moment of false glaring Crowley settled back down and watched his love show so much joy over something so silly. 

"I'm sorry darling." Aziraphale finally gasped as he got himself under control again and smiled his bastard smile down at the demon. "I just couldn't resist." 

"Uh-huh." came the dry reply 

"But in all seriousness, I am more than happy to listen to anything you would like to play for my dearest." 

"Well, if that's how it is." Crowley sat up slowly, already missing to loss of his angel's warmth but knowing it was time to show him. He stood, albeit a bit shakily, and held his hand out to Aziraphale who was staring up at him in confusion. "I need to show you something." 

~~~~ 

Although a tad confused _, why couldn't they just miracle up an instrument?_ Aziraphale took Crowley's hand and trailed after him. They passed his office, an all-too-familiar eagle statue and a stone carving of an angel and a demon in the middle of... something before he was lead to a part of the flat that the angel had never been before. After a moment they stopped in front of an unadorned wall, Crowley seemed to freeze staring at the wall unblinking and Aziraphale was now thoroughly confused. 

"Dear..." Crowley finally looked over at him and for all the centuries Aziraphale had known him, he couldn’t decipher the look on his love's face. Then Crowley looked away again, taking a deep breath as if he was steeling himself for something and pressed a hand to the wall in front of them. 

Aziraphale gasped as the seemingly solid wall slid away to reveal... a massive room that could only exist thanks to a miracle. The ceiling was so high he could barely see it, windows were lining the entire far wall that lit the room with sunlight and it was filled with... instruments. The angel gazed around in shock, there were guitars, tambourines, violins, flutes, drums and pretty much every form of musical apparatus one could think of. Aziraphale moved further into the room in a daze, _how could he have never known?_ In the centre of the space was a large grand piano, not so different from the one at the Ritz. Except it where that one was white as pure porcelain, this piano a beautiful blend of black and white you could see the two colours separately along the edges but the center of the wood was a swirling marbled grey. 

A perfect blend of the two contrasts. 

He turned back around to Crowley, eyes wide opening his mouth to say something, he wasn't sure what but the fidgeting demon beat him to it. "I know I should have told you sooner, that I shouldn't have hidden this from you, it's not that I don't trust you... I just..." 

Before he could continue Aziraphale was there kissing him again and oh didn't his demon taste wonderful, like cocoa, sunlight and something spicy. The angel pulled back but kept their faces close with a soft hand, held loving along a hard jaw. "My love, it's okay." 

Crowley blinked at him clearly not understanding, what just happened, Aziraphale sighed stealing another kiss before continuing. "I don't expect you to share everything with me, no matter how long we've known or loved each other." now there were tears lining golden eyes but the angel had to keep going, he had to make sure his love understood. "It's not a bad thing to want to have somethings private, especially with the way our former bosses were." he brushed away a stray tear. "It's okay to have something for just you. But I am honoured beyond words, that you would want to share this with me." 

"R... really?" there were still tears leaking down his face but Crowley's eyes were bright. 

Aziraphale smiled "Really, dearest." Then Crowley was kissing him, wrapping his long arms around the angel's soft middle, stealing the breath from their unnecessary lungs, the salt from his tears adding a new layer to everything. It was like being born again, like all the songs humans sung of it, it was everything that the angel had dreamed it would be like to finally kiss and hold his demon. Aziraphale wasn't sure how much time passed but at some point, Crowley pulled away his hair catching the sun as he smiled down at him. 

"I think I know what I need to play for you." Taking his hand again Aziraphale was guided to the piano, then with such reverence, he had rarely seen from his counterpart. Crowley lifted the cover, brushing his hands over the smooth wood as one would a beloved pet, placed his fingers on the keys and began to play. 

Aziraphale didn't know the melody that poured from those deft hands as they flew over the ivory keys. He wasn't sure if any being apart from the one beside him had ever heard it. 

It began with a few light, airy notes that seemed to come from the space between stars, they were bright like galaxies taking shape in the air. He was so caught in their beauty that when black-clad nails struck, the next chord it sent a shock through him. Like the crash of lightning, it was now harsh melody that made it seem like the notes previous had been ripped from the player's mind and hands. Crowley's lips tightened as he played these dark desolate chords, each one sounding like a scream. Like pain, heartbreak and anguish, like the roar of thunder. 

And it went on for what felt like centuries. 

As the music unwound around them Aziraphale realized he was listening to a story, _Crowley's_ story. He almost cried as these agonized notes continued to pour from nimble fingers. 

Then there was a light _ting_ from their far left, and the tune shifted. Not much but now there was a hint of soft notes tucked in the corners of the darkness. These notes continued, becoming more frequent as their creator continued to play, they would swell a bit then be ripped away by sharp notes. Hiding away but never gone, not again, they became a part of the piece, the darkness was still there. Almost overpowering with its menace but there was still a bit of that craved light that the melancholy tune seemed to cling to and yet the pair of notes were always just a bit out of sync. Always just missing each other, pulling apart and together again, endlessly dancing around one another. 

The story continued to build around them, music filling the air with emotions words could not describe. Then came a low beat from their right, followed by ten more strikes to the farthest key, the airy notes dwindled. The end was coming and there was nothing the loving notes could do to stop it. Then came a battle of the two tunes, where they had been working together on and off since the second melody came in, now they were fighting and the light notes were fading. They remained for a few more bars before thin fingers crashed down on the center keys, a crescendo of noise filling the space like crackling logs, like burning love, like thunder and lightning. 

In the following desolation, the light was gone. 

Tears pooled in Aziraphale's eyes and he could see the same in Crowley's but he kept on playing, brows scrunched in concentration so the angel kept on listening. 

The light was gone and the heavy keys now seemed lost without them, they stumbled around each other creating a haphazard broken string of noise. Then there was another _ting_ from their left and melody somehow made sense again. Now the notes were running, racing each other towards the end. Where they finally met, finally came together, a perfect harmony. 

It wasn't just Crowley's story anymore, now it was _their_ story. 

It was a brilliant resonance of music, of life, of promise, of _love_ and as Crowley's now trembling fingers carefully struck the last notes there was a lightness in the air that hadn't been there before. Like someone had just opened the windows after keeping them sealed for so long. Where the air had been stale and stagnant, it was now clear and light. 

Aziraphale took a deep breath and Crowley did the same, his entire body now trembling. "Oh darling, that was beyond simple words but-" wide terrified eyes met his and the angel smiled, brushing a stray hair away from sweat-soaked skin. "I do believe you may have pushed yourself just a bit too far, a bit too soon." 

The poor dear was trembling, a sheen of sweat coated his face and his already weakened state making a comeback, at least the fever hadn’t returned. Aziraphale thanked someone for that small mercy but it was obviously time for more rest. 

Golden eyes blinked in adorable confusion that made Aziraphale smile and without another word he scooped up his demon, who yelped in surprise, and began carrying him back to the bedroom. 

~~~~ 

Crowley wasn't sure what he had been expecting when he finished playing for his angel but being instantly picked up and carried back to his bedroom was not it. As they entered the room, he fully expected to be placed down on his bed but Aziraphale just walked right past the dark sheets and into the bathroom. With a snap the tub was full, complete with a mountain of bubbles, another snap and the harsh lights were replaced by warm candles. Sighing Aziraphale gently positioned both of them beside the tub, once they were seated, he met Crowley's confused gaze. 

"Dearest..." he swallowed and Crowley felt a trickle of worry but the angel continued "would it be okay for us to... perhaps take a bath together?" the words were soft and hesitant but his angel's soft hands were steady. 

"Please." the word came out more fragile than he had intended but the following smile outshone every candle ever lit. 

"Oh, good." Aziraphale sighed, then with defy fingers began to undo the buttons of the pyjamas that Crowley had forgotten he was still wearing. The black silk bottoms followed his top to the floor, feeling more exposed than he had in millennia Crowley ducked his head as Aziraphale set him in the blissfully warm water. A moment later an equally warm body joined him in the tub, settling in behind him, then soft strong arms were being wrapped round the sharp fragile feeling demon. Pulling him close, like he was something precious, something that deserved to be taken care of. 

As if reading his thoughts Aziraphale tucked his chin in the crook of Crowley's neck and sighed "This is perfect," he pressed a gentle kiss to the red curls by his temple. "You, are perfect." 

Crowley tensed on instinct but Aziraphale just pulled him closer, and he looked around, at the candles, at the bubbles, at the angel still holding him close. Then for the first time in what felt like eternity Crowley relaxed, truly relaxed letting himself be warmed and cared for by the love of his existence. Smiling Crowley tilted his head to the side so he could meet ocean eyes and he whispered back. 

"It really is and so are you." Aziraphale blushed the colour of Crowley's hair and the redhead smiled wider. 

*** 

An immeasurable time later, the water still miraculously warm Crowley finally worked up the courage to ask his angel. "So..." Aziraphale hummed. "What did you think of..." He couldn't finish, terrified of what the angel would say, he had never shared what he just had, with anyone before. But curiosity was his whole thing and he couldn’t just _not_ ask. 

A kiss was pressed to his damp temple "I think, that that was the single most beautiful thing I have ever heard in my entire existence." 

Crowley swallowed hard _he would not cry._ "Really?" 

"Really and truly my love." another kiss to the side of his face _he would not cry_. "My love, my dearest, my wily adversary, my stars and moon." tears pricked golden eyes. "The only thing that could rival it for pure beauty, enchantment and the ability to take my breath away." 

Crowley truly thought he was about to say Her but then there were soft fingers under his chin turning him to face sky eyes brimming with so much love. He was still having a hard time believing it could be real. _He would not cry._

"The only thing, the only _being_ in the whole of creation. That could not only come close but completely surpass such an awe-inspiring work of art." Aziraphale lightly brushed their lips together as he whispered the words that undid the demon completely. "Is _you_ , my love, my darling Crowley." 

A sob filled the air, water and bubbles swirled as Crowley turned burying his face in the soft warmth of his angel and cried. He cried for everything he had never let himself cry for, for all the grief, the pain, the heartbreak, the hate, the fear. And through it all Aziraphale held him. Through it all Aziraphale loved him. 

A few moments or a few hours later, feeling more wrung out and raw than he could ever remember being, Crowley pulled away and asked another question.

"This real.... right?" The thought had bubbled to the surface and now he couldn't leave it, Aziraphale blinked at him. "Cause-" after so long of not speaking Crowley struggled for the words. "Cause, all this is to... to... perfect." 

Aziraphale tilted his head, candlelight and sadness flickering his eyes. "How do you mean dearest?" 

Crowley gulped looking away. "I mean, how-" he coughed a bit, then there was a glass being pressed into his hands and he took a swallow before continuing. "How isn't this a dream? How can I deserve this? The earth is still spinning, we’re free of our bosses and you..." he finally looked back up, disbelief still aching in his chest. "You're here, with me, taking care of me like no one has and somehow loving me." 

He blinked away the dampness in his eyes and whispered. "How can a being as perfect as you be here with me? How can this be real? How can it not be a dream?" 

~~~~ 

Aziraphale stared down at the gorgeous creature still in his lap, his heart _breaking_ at the words that had just filled the air. Tears were pricking the corners of his eyes and as he gazed at his wonderful demon, he realized that there were tears in his eyes as well. 

"Oh, my darling." he brushed away a drop that had escaped amber pools. "I can't ask how you could think that because I know how and I have felt similarly in the past." Crowley opened his mouth to interrupt him but the angel just pressed a finger to his lips, silently begging to finish. "I have my dearest." he began to run his fingers along the sharp angels of his demon's face, so different from his own softness. "There have been days where I wondered how a being as incredibly stunning, wild, intelligent and wonderful as you..." 

He took a deep breath knowing he needed to say this but it would still hurt to voice it. "How could someone like that, like you, ever bother to spend any time with a dull, soft, principality like me?" Crowley looked like he was about to cut him off so Aziraphale pushed on. "But then I realized something." He stared down into golden candle-lit pools, letting himself sink into them, welcoming and unafraid of their depth. 

"I realized that somehow despite these thoughts, despite all my worries and everything trying to say no. I still loved you and even if you didn't love me back, you deserved to know how loved you are, and to know how dull my life and the world would be without you." 

He took a breath "You deserve _so much_ my love, so much. Then you told me you loved me back and I realized another thing; _we_ deserve so much, _we_ deserve to be happy, _we_ deserve each other." 

Rivers were running down both their faces but neither seemed to care "This is not a dream my love, this is real, you are perfect, we are perfect and I know this because I love you." 

~~~~ 

"I love you." Crowley sat up, water sloshing around them as he came level with his angel so they could be eye to eye. 

He had just realized that he hadn't said it, yes, he a had written it, played it with his music and shown it in all the ways he knew how over the centuries but he had yet to say it out loud. "I love you." He repeated, feeling the tears drying on his face as he stared into the depths of twin oceans. "More than anyone would think possible for any being to be able to. I always have and I always will." 

Aziraphale smiled pulling him close, painting a trail of kisses along his jaw up to the serpent brand by his ear and whispered words Crowley never dreamt he would hear. "And I love you my dearest, more than anything." 

The warmth that these words filled Crowley with was overwhelming. Unable to think of anything else the demon curled around his angel, letting all the feelings he had kept hidden for so long bleed through. Aziraphale responded by tightening his soft arms around sharp angles, pulling him impossibly closer, until the two beings almost became one. 

There would be time for dinner dates, picnics, and more later, right now they lay there in that bath wrapped in the arms of the one they loved and that was the most caring thing of all. 

**_The End_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! The final chapter of my first fanfic! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented and gave kudos, they mean the world to me and gave me the fuel to keep writing. We may have an epilogue or a part two at some time, we'll see what my brain comes up with! ;-P  
> I have several other pieces in the works right now and I'll be posting them as soon as I can!!  
> Come find me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there along with some of my art eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again!  
> Thank you so much for reading my fic!  
> Please comment on your thoughts, I love hearing from all of you!
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr! @astieria-wandering I'm going to start posting updates on my works there along with some of my art eventually.  
> Once again thank you! I'll see you all soon!


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